IcE_SkAtInG

2012-01-11T00:07:00.007+08:00

haven't finished my post on the album review. it's currently quite low on my priority list, especially with my earphones being sent in for repair. in any case, i'm not really in the mood.

met my UROPS professor today to discuss about the research module that i'm undertaking. i'm expected to work in the lab for about 20 hours weekly. the thought of that is purely depressing. the research paper that he gave me to read is so freaking difficult.

it's just the huge contrast with my life a few days back. the contrast is so stark it smacks me right in the face. before i can fully adapt back to reality, school is already giving me a tough time. even eating dinner reminds me of how Taiwan food is so cheap yet so good.

i've yet to start on my post on the Taiwan trip. i guess it'll come out before the album review still lol. but many things that happen in Taiwan just appear in my mind now. reading the 那些年 book on the train and in the bathtub. eating at 士林夜市. watching stupid and random shows on tv. walking through the different 诚品 stores.

i need to slowly adjust back to this city. the city with horrible weather, horrible metro system, horrible service standards, horrible food (and bubble tea of course) and many other horrible parts of it. lol. still, i must be thankful for the things and people in this city that still deserve my love and who love me too. at least, they help to make life a bit easier for me.

2011-12-23T23:42:00.015+08:00

Songs of the Week

Been quite a while since I last did this. Heard a few really nice songs lately so here I am. This can be good practice for my album review post too haha.

1. 林育羣 - 人海中遇见你

Heard it as my brother was playing the soundtrack of the movie 那些年，我們一起追的女孩. His voice is amazing. After reading the movie production book, I found out this song is a cover and the original version is so obscure that a google search gives near to zero results. Despite not hearing the original version, I feel 林育羣's voice is a good fit for the song, not considering the emotion component of his rendition. Overall, I love it.

2. Adele - Set Fire to the Rain (Live at Royal Albert Hall)

I first saw the performance on Youtube. This song never really grew on me. Until this performance. The first thing that attracted me deeply was how they filmed the video and the effects applied. The first point pertained to the camera filming candid shots of the audience singing along, with brilliantly chosen angles. One of my favourite shots is at 2:28. Dunno why. The second point about effects apply to the few times they decide to show some of Adele's gestures in slow motion. Allows you to observe her expressions well. Love it. Love the gestures when she sang the words "burn", "flames"at the end of the lines. And also, the way she sang the word "watch". Haha, very unique. All in all, i started to love this song after watching the video. This came in a very near second as 人海中遇见你 is supported by the movie, which I really love.

3. Christina Perri - A Thousand Years

Yesterday, I saw a video shared by my one of my friends on Facebook. It was about a creative marriage proposal, by the co-founder of Nuffnang. Very nicely done video, with the song being the most outstanding part in my opinion. The song choice was brilliant, and carried the mood really well. I was very soothed yet becoming slightly emotional as the song progressed. Christina Perri's voice is very special and I really can't put a finger on how is it so. Got the urge to find the song after watching the video.

4. Kelly Clarkson - Why Don't You Try

Well, for this song, I shall retain my comments for the album review post, which should be completed ideally by tml. =P

5. Jennifer Lopez - Papi

This song reminds me of the Batam trip I went on a while back. For the 3 days there, I can't remember how many times did I watch the music video already. Haha it's a rather silly video with the rather lame storyline. But the dances in the video were impressive. They were rather well-executed throughout and the clapping in the video, which was sadly not in the original song, made the melody even more catchy. The main attraction of this song for me is the melody. Highly catchy. Now that I think of it, I can't remember why did I suddenly listen to this song again.

Yup, so those were my choices of the week. Anyway, I was mulling over this random thought that came into my mind. Where you encounter a song, does it matter to how much you would like the song? This popped up in my head as I was writing the part for Christina Perri's A Thousand Years. I think this is very true in the case of romantic movies/videos/scenarios etc. It pretty much links up with my previous point about knowing the story behind a song.

Well the train of thought kind of stopped there. Haha, other things came to my mind suddenly.

有时事情演变的速度真是令人感到有点措手不及，但又觉得好无奈。

2011-11-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

今天，我看了最近大家应该都已经看过了的电影，“那些年，我们一起追的女孩”。看完后，感触良多。而且，知道到家了还在想。回家后，第一件事便是想找找看弟弟买的同名的书是否在他桌上。可惜他借给朋友了。其实，也说不上为什么这部电影对我的影响如此的大。在电影院看的时候，大概从电影进行了四分之一后就断断续续眼眸泛泪。某些部分看到眼泪夺眶而出，滑下脸庞。

可能是电影产生了许多共鸣吧。刚才，在与朋友的谈话中，我们都发现最近颇受欢迎的爱情片尽是男女主角最后没在一起的所谓“不完美”的结局。可能这代表人们变聪明了，了解爱情片常上演的梦幻般的爱情与浪漫不切实际。也可能代表人们对爱情的憧憬似乎变得比较实际。可能就因为所谓的“不完美”的结局更能引起共鸣，更印象深刻，深入民心吧。

昨天，我在面薄上说了这句话，“我总觉得了解歌曲背后的意思，作词人想表达的意思，才能将听歌的过程变得更完整。当然这只是用于创作歌手。” 话虽如此，今天看完电影后，主题曲“那些年”里的意境突然变得好清晰。虽然演唱人与作词人并非同一个人，我还是认为我说的也算吧。

就算结果没在一起，至少他们曾共同创造了许许多多美好的回忆。有时，最简单的事其实最刻骨铭心。女主角，沈佳宜，说了一句让我印象深刻的话，“人生本来很多事就是徒劳无功的啊。” 两位主角还运用了平行时空（parallel universe)的概念。不知为何，看的时候就有想叹气的冲动。

今天好累。不知到为什么。本来有许多想法在脑海里打滚着，现在都不知到哪儿去了。忘了也算好吧。好想再看多一次。

就算没在一起，至少他们暧昧的期间好甜蜜。

2011-11-13T10:42:00.001+08:00

my physical condition's getting worse by the day. whole body's full of aches and pains. and i'm not sleeping well lately. and i can't find the first half of my CM2111 notes. so annoying. meh, i'm hungry too. time for breakfast.

2011-10-26T21:54:00.003+08:00

couldn't get myself to do work after dinner. it appears to be a rather chronic problem. nvm that. was thinking that i might as well blog since i can't get myself to do any productive work.

was trying to look back on what i've done this semester. it feels like a rather fast one so far. time zoomed past me. that's what i feel at least when compared to the previous semesters. in part i attribute it to the fact that i'm taking 4 core modules this semester. so many lab reports to rush after doing the experiments. and not to mention, the horrible 6 hours of back-to-back lectures on tuesdays and fridays.

but then, there are the things that make my life much more pleasant, no matter how marginal the effect may be. interestingly, one of them is the amount of singing i do. i seem to be singing a lot more. of course, not karaoke kind of singing. it's the singing on the way to school and in my room, along to the music from the speakers. although i do have to be careful with the former. on more than one occasion, i have been spotted (in fact, heard) by some stranger, who gives me an odd stare. heck it. and i like to sing those that i can't sing in karaoke. usually those songs from female singers or Adam Levine. lol. and thankfully for my good earphones, i don't get to hear my horrible falsettos =D

another thing is tennis. it's been a really long time since i picked up a tennis racket again. nowadays, what i do is simply watch tennis. turns out it helps. or maybe some other unknown factor lol. somehow, i really enjoy those lessons. really wanna continue on for tennis. though my reaction to the ball is still pretty bad. can never judge the movement of the ball properly. but it's really fun. and i get some exercise finally. haha. and working hard on practising my double-handed backhand. inspired by Andy Murray.

one more important one is my attitude or perspective or whatever you call it. i can't really define it well. haha. i'm not so obsessed with mugging like hell. lol. sometimes i just take some time to do some other stuff like reading some books, go for a swim. simply put, spending time not doing work. i realised i have this bad habit of not being chill enough. it occurs especially when i'm waiting for transport. i'll be thinking like "time is being wasted while i'm waiting. i could have been spending this precious time studying." haha but i must say that's not the reason why i get mad at people that make me wait while they're late. but well, in any case, nowadays, i've found the solution to these two problems. i'll be reading BBC news on my phone while waiting or simply reading a book. some random book. lately, the books i read range from books on the history of the elements (geeky) to autobiographies (Andy Murray, Subhas Anandan). and i've started watching Big Bang Theory again. never fail to make me laugh. probably one of the few US shows that can make me watch so many seasons.

and of course, the songs in my iPod. can never leave home without my iPod, apart from a few rare occasions. suddenly have quite a lot of new additions and i'm damn addicted to some of them. after watching Kylie Minogue's concert, i started listening to her songs. and instantly, i got hooked to some of them. interesting, i have 3 versions of her song, Get Outta My Way and they're receiving a lot of play counts on my iPod. and Kelly Clarkson's album officially came out yesterday and it's amazing. loads of good songs there. so there you have it, great music for me.

well, now i'm slowly trying to learn how to appreciate the good things that happen to me. as much as i still subscribe to my theory of "number of good days=number of bad days in my life", i guess should still appreciate the good ones. so that when the bad ones come, i'll have something to look forward to.

ok i feel more inspired to do work now. maybe take a shower first then. and will continue to sing in my room lol. good thing that my brother has enlisted and i get the room to myself. =D

2011-08-30T20:30:00.004+08:00

Songs of the Week

1. Kylie Minogue - Get Outta My Way (7th Heaven Extended Vocal Mix)

The original song was good. The Yasutaka Nakata remix was brilliant. This is epic. LOL.

2. Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera -Moves Like Jagger

Nice song but I still feel the song would be a lot better if Xtina sang more.

3. 方大同 featuring 徐佳莹 - 自以为

徐佳莹's voice is so nice.

4. Kylie Minogue - Love at First Sight

I'm still amazed by the MTV

5. Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

Forgot about how much I liked the song when I first heard the album.

2011-07-22T02:27:00.002+08:00

note to self:

learn to wait. and to accept things that you cannot control. the feeling of being out of control sucks. but, do realise there's nothing you can do about that as well. if it's meant to be, it

有意栽花花不成,无心插柳柳成荫。that's probably the advice to myself now. give yourself some time. in fact, give time time.

2011-06-24T01:33:00.001+08:00

Definitely not one of my favourites from The Script usually. This song usually gets skipped when it reaches its turn on my iPod. Somehow tonight the lyrics finally made their way to me.

The Script - The End Where I Begin

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
X 3
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars dont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away

2011-03-26T13:36:00.004+08:00

这个世界对一个人的要求总是过多。为了满足这些要求而让自己遍体鳞伤很不值得。改变是好的，但要看是为何而改，如何去改。改变不了的事，是不是就应该学着去接受它呢？accept what you can't change. 他人的看法很重要吗？这样顾虑到来是不是会反而迷失了自己呢？

偶尔也照顾一下自己吧。

2011-03-20T00:44:00.002+08:00

Haha i'm feeling damn lost now. also have the 认命 kind of feeling. need to remember something though: don't read too much into it. Probably the safest way out.

Just had a random geeky thought. Maybe I should do up a decision tree or something of that sort. Lol not enough information though. Being a science student makes me feel like a rather geeky person.

The song 回到过去 by 张震岳 and 林芯仪 has been stuck in my head for the past 2 days. Maybe it's because I keep recalling the storyline of the drama. One of my favourite dramas thus far. Not draggy and whiny. Funny yet touching.

时间它像是河流慢慢的轻轻推送
有时候像是漩涡很难静止而不动
开心的伤心的
一辈子能改变什么能相信什么

游走在梦的尽头也常常不时回首
人与人擦身交错谁停留谁又远走
我曾经犯的错
我曾经留下的遗憾就让它去吧

如果想要回到那过去
但是你我之间存在遥远的距离
试图去弥补破碎的缝隙
我学著不放弃
愿你牢记我曾经爱过你
因为有你我才学会相信爱情
关于过去的事就藏心底
未来依旧有你的回忆

游走在梦的尽头也常常不时回首
人与人擦身交错谁停留谁又远走
我曾经犯的错
我曾经留下的遗憾就让它去吧

如果想要回到那过去
但是你我之间存在遥远的距离
试图去弥补破碎的缝隙
我学著不放弃
愿你牢记我曾经爱过你
因为有你我才学会相信爱情
关于过去的事就藏心底
未来依旧有你的回忆

试图去弥补破碎的缝隙
我学著不放弃
愿你牢记我曾经爱过你
因为有你我才学会相信爱情
关于过去的事就藏心底
未来依旧有你的回忆
未来依旧有你的回忆

i must sleep properly tonite! must! heh.

2010-12-10T00:39:00.004+08:00

trust (verb)
transitive verb

2 b: to place confidence in : rely on

The definition above was extracted from Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. Pretty accurate. Pretty simple too. Those four words "to place confidence in" mean a lot already. It is this process that is really hard to achieve. Of course, "rely on" means a lot more and is definitely harder to achieve.

I found this online and find it quite interesting.

1) Why do people see it as YOUR problem if you don't trust them?
Because they WANT it to be a problem for me, but it really isn't.

2) Why don't people see trust as something that is continually earned and worked for to maintain and that it can, and does, break?
People want everything handed to them. Selfish beings, they are.

3) Why don't people realize that your trust in them is entirely dependant on THEIR actions because if they do something to break that trust, it is THEIR actions and you did nothing to break your trust in them?
They don't want to take the blame. Can't handle the fact that they screwed themselves over.

4) If someone breaks your trust, why doesn't the person who breaks it do anything to redeem themselves via hard work, sacrifice, proving themselves, living with the consequences that may befall them for a period of time, and sometimes doing things they may not want to do?
They move on to someone easier to screw around with. Much easier that way.

5) Why do people complain that you don't trust them, after the fact that they did something to break your trust, when they damn well know they did something to put your trust in them in peril?
They want you to give in, only so they can keep breaking your trust over and over.

6) Why do people not understand the difference in trust and blind faith?
Blind faith being believing in something like god, or other religious entity, that can and does do things to hurt people, but you believe in it anyway. Trust being something that people need to prove themselves worthy of via their actions. Also, why do people expect your blind faith? Not really sure how to answer this one.... (not really good at explaining things)

7) (Lastly), do you agree, or disagree, with this statement (and why): "It isn't a matter of whether or not I trust you, it's a matter of whether or not you WANT my trust"?
I agree with this statement to a degree, but some people may find it hard to trust anyone else who may actually be trustworthy as a result of continuous breach of trust from others. I mean to say, they basically give up on everyone else.

This was taken from Yahoo Answers. Well, I feel that the person who answered the question probably has lost faith in trust, at least to a certain degree. I think some of the questions are not correct on its own. I feel question 3 not very true lar.

There's no guide to trusting. Trust is not blind faith. So I wonder, how does one decide who to trust? Or in the first place, should one trust? And maybe after answering those questions, how much trust to place in somebody?

I view the process of trusting as breaking down your defences. It makes one vulnerable. If only one party trusts, several situations can arise. If the other party is afraid to trust, then the continuation of this relationship most probably will be very tiresome. If the other party decides to make use of that trust, then one can only hope the trusting party is either smart enough to recognise it or strong enough to sustain this situation.

Somehow if mutual trust is achieved, something interesting happens. Somehow, the defences come back, even stronger. However, if mutual trust is betrayed, both parties will have their defences shattered. It's not only the party being betrayed that has his/her defences shattered. It's for both parties. For the betrayer, I feel there are many ways in which the defences are shattered. Well, maybe that's how I feel at least.

This feels like Prisoner's Dilemma. And that is probably why most people end up choosing not to trust at all. To them, it's a dominant strategy. Meh. What's my strategy arh? I think my dominant strategy is to trust. Of course there are exceptions, but majority of the time, it would be to trust. Simply, what this means would be that defences are usually quite low.

It sounds like a pretty dumb strategy. It leaves one vulnerable. Sometimes, I wonder what happens if my trust in someone is being made use of or in the case of mutual trust, betrayed. Well, definitely, it's going to hurt. But well, you learn something in the process that can probably help you strengthen your defences instead.

Suddenly thought of 2 songs that describe how I feel about trust. Both great songs sung by great female artistes.

孙燕姿 - 相信

突然觉得我只是一个人

有点孤单浅浅的忧郁

我不知道明天会不会很美丽

虽然今天天很蓝而云很白风很凉

今天日记空白没有关系

不必每件事情都在意

不想工作不想困扰自己

不必刻意想你该是我的总会来

就算挑战我不走开

一点点你的微笑

已经让我觉得温暖

我还不懂坚持

正好让我学会去爱

我曾经看见困难

变得胆小不够勇敢

但还是要相信

相信感觉相信简单

今天日记空白没有关系

不必每件事情都在意

不想工作不想困扰自己

不必刻意想你该是我的总会来

就算挑战我不走开

一点点你的微笑

已经让我觉得温暖

我还不懂坚持

正好让我学会去爱

我曾经看见困难

变得胆小不够勇敢

但还是要相信

相信感觉相信简单

有一天等我懂得事实也许更灰心

至少现在让我去相信哦

Pink - Glitter in the Air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

这个过程的确很艰辛，但那也是因为在后头等待着的硕果是值得的。如果半途就放弃，那还真的很可惜。一路上，自己得不断的寻找推动力，鞭策自己勇往直前。但是，偶尔，我也想停下脚步，休息一会儿，让自己走更长远的路。

2010-11-05T19:13:00.016+08:00

Today's BoA's 25th birthday. I have listened to her songs for probably about 6 years I think. I can't remember exactly. I think the BoA song that I listened to was one of her earlier Korean songs, Waiting, from a TV drama. From that point on, I've been hooked on to her songs ever since. The first BoA MV I watched was Every Heart. And, the first BoA album that I bought was Best of Soul. The first BoA concert I watched (albeit not in person but that'll be in future) was Arena Tour 2005: Best of Soul.

Over time, many of her songs became my favourites. Waiting was a really sad song that I liked at the start. Every Heart came next, partly due to the brilliant rendition of that song in the Best of Soul Arena Tour. Everlasting had a great classical version alongside many great live versions and the melody is probably one of the best among her songs. Your Colour was my favourite for very long , partly because it was linked to a Dynasty Warrior style game. Heh. Next was Key of Heart which had an English version that made me cringe. The Korean version was brilliant though. The Korean PV was okay lar. Typical storyline but since she's in it, it's quite good. =P Then, there were Sweet Impact and Aggressive. The former had a really cool PV and the latter had one of the best ever performances imo, during Live Tour 2008: The Face. I remembered in Nov 2008 during some exercise in PLC, I was so hooked on to that song. Jie Hao told me he kept seeing the same song title on my PSP. Heh. Now, let's skip the next one to the latest one first. Hurricane Venus sounded totally horrible to me when I first heard it. I waited one week for its release after I heard about the news about the day of release. But well, the PV plus performances got me hooked. The choreography is very interesting.

Now, we come to probably my favourite song of all time, considering all the songs I've ever heard, Mamoritai ~White Wishes~. It doesn't have a very grand PV like Hurricane Venus and the choreography's not elaborate like Eien. And it's not a song that's like I must listen to everyday or something. I get that feeling for a lot of songs and they usually probably last for the most about 3 months. This song feels like an old friend. I first heard it when I watched the PV release. Simple and nice song. And I love how the PV ended with the sound of applause and she looked like she was going to go on stage. Glad that the timing was perfect when I asked Kay Siong to buy the Japanese-made single for me when he was in Japan. I first heard this song in October 2009 and as can be seen from my iTunes chart, it's still top. =)

There was this day during my army days when I had a bad day and didn't even had the mood to go for nights out. Cannot remember what happened but I remembered Yanmin kindly stayed to talk to me. Suddenly, I received a call from home saying that BoA's Best & USA had arrived at my doorstep. I was so elated I rushed home straight. (I must say sorry to Yanmin here. Paiseh that you stayed and I pangseh-ed you in the end.) I reached home, grabbed the stuff and rushed back to watch the DVD. (I had all the songs beforehand. Heh.) It just made my night.

I'm thankful for knowing about her and her songs. I spent many angsty and sad nights listening to her songs or watching her performances. I spent many happy moments bathing in her great voice. Her live performances never fail to amaze. Never. Acoustic, dance or simply just her voice alone. As of now, my favourite performance is still her performance named "Over the Top" at the MKMF 2005 Awards. That performance of Girls on Top blew my mind off and I was stunned to hear that she performed that standard while being sick that day and that she fainted after the performance. Lately, I watched the documentary film of Best of Soul Arena Tour. She injured her ankle at one of the starting legs of her tour and she promised to finish the show. She did and I'll remember the scene where she limped from one end of the stage to another end to bow and thank the crowd. That was a really moving scene.

Her style has changed a lot over the years. She's no longer the cute little girl that her fans saw about 10 years ago. And her musical style changed too. As fans, we grew up together with her and watched her mature and how she ventured into Japan, then USA. I don't think it matters whether her sales are great or whether she made it in America. She's a great artiste and that is undeniable. Just by looking at her dancing and singing, it makes one wonder how she does it. How can anyone sing and dance so well? And be able to converse in so many languages and venture into so many markets?

Even if I cannot understand most of her songs, I don't find it a disadvantage. I listen to her voice in this case then. One great example would be the Moon and Sunrise performance in her BoA the Live 2006. That is probably the 2nd best performance to me. The amount of pain and sadness she delivers in that song is chilling. You can even see the fans crying just by hearing her live rendition.

To me, she is and will probably will always be the best artiste. At such a young age, she has achieved what many can never do. She is a very inspiring figure and she probably wouldn't know about how much she has impacted the lives of others. In this way, it's very similar to a teacher. But there are so many youths who look up to her as a role model, including myself and she is a great role model. I hope she can continue to enjoy her career and to inspire others.

As a last note, I can't express how much I wish for that Copy&Paste repackaged album to be in my possession. It feels like how I was awaiting for Best&USA. Looking forward to it seems to a great motivation for me. In this lifetime, I must at least watch her concert in person once and if possible, meet her once. That'll be another wish fulfilled then.

2010-10-31T10:36:00.001+08:00

忘了是怎么开始　也许就是对你　有一种感觉

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳

你总是微笑的你总是不开口世界被你掌握

最美的不是下雨天是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐

想你想你也能成为嗜好

叶子在窗外轻轻摇动人行道没有行人走过

故事情节掉了　主角对白掉了　该属于剧中的对角戏也掉了

人们虚假又造作　总爱得不温不火我们用真心就不会有差错

在我心上用力的开一枪让一切归零在这声巨响

眼睛睜不开　看不到未来　也哭不出來

也许时间是一种解药也是我现在正服下的毒药

一时的甜甜蜜蜜都彷佛忧伤的虚度了

多想要向过去告别当季节不停更迭

两颗心都迷惑怎么说怎么说都没有救

任性的淚水　若洗淨双眼　或许哭能恢復　我视线

只是心又飘到了哪里就连自己看也看不清

可是我有时候宁愿选择留恋不放手

错在明知是错快乐该怎么选择

还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你还是害怕不经意地听见你的消息

却有种叫作时间的东西　说沒问題　最后我們会痊癒

无数陌生人正在等下一个绿灯

让我们乘着阳光看着远方别当路人甲

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信因为我们等不到那流星

日落的这一刻　我的心沒太阳

照亮了沉默　明白是寂寞

2010-10-25T01:56:00.002+08:00

好累哦。都不知道是在与谁赛跑。算了。去睡了。这天气让人希望能好好地睡一觉。明天一大清早有个无聊的课。

最近我发现其实现在我不是真的很在乎失去那个朋友。感觉上也没算什么。就真的不合的话，勉强维持这种友情反而辛苦。但是，我还是希望你过得还好。:)

2010-10-22T23:28:00.005+08:00

love the presence of so many great songs in my life lately. i dun even have enough time to listen to all of them. have to list them down by priority so that i don't forget them lol.

1. Janet Jackson - Escapade
Latest addition today. Didn't know the song was so old. Chanced upon this song quite unexpectedly.

2. Katy Perry - Firework
I'm pretty amazed by this album. Actually, it's just a few songs lar, about 7. Quite a lot still. Haha. First, I loved California Gurls. Heard it so many times in Australia. Beautiful song and the music video's quite cute. The next song was Teenage Dream then followed by The One that Got Away. Now it's this. I can't wait for the music video to be released.

3. 张惠妹 - 掉了
This and the next song is because of 林俊杰's performance at 金曲奖. Absolutely great performance. Among the songs he sang, i love the way he sang 掉了and 抛物线.

4. 蔡健雅 - 抛物线
My only regret about this song is that i don't have the music video version of the song in high quality. Love the part where she 清唱 the song.

5. 徐佳莹 - 一样的月光
Heard this song quite some time back. Got hooked on to it lately.

About 2 weeks ago, i listened to almost exclusively these 2 songs for about 4 days. Haha. Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are and Rihanna - Hate that I Love You feat. Ne-yo. The former has a superb music video. The second one is just a great song. As for the music video, it's so bad it's not even funny.

Today, i was contemplating between buying BoA's Copy and Paste repackaged album or not. If i want the poster, then i have to go to HMV to get it. Such a trouble. Summore no music video included. Just before that, i was trying the 3D sony tv in one of the electronics shops near my house. Imagining the 3D Hurricane Venus music video on it. =)

2010-10-05T15:10:00.003+08:00

世界上的事情没有很明确的黑与白。彩色是真实，还是虚幻？灰色似乎是一种常态。如果我看着自己，我会觉得自己不断的徘徊在黑与白之间的界限。一时雀跃万分，下一刻又郁郁寡欢。有时我还会怀疑照镜子时，是否会看见一个双面人。

常常会与自己争吵。心里的战争。结果，累的始终是自己。刚读了一篇颇有意思的短文。对不起这三个字究竟有着什么意思？这三个字很常用，变成了三个为了说而说的字。嘴上说的，是否心里也这样想？

变成一种敷衍。

最近都在怀念一些过去的事。对我来说，虽然许多事情都算是时过境迁了，但仍记忆犹新。有些，说不上是不堪回首,但都是些不愉快的事始终让人感慨万分。活在过去的人并不开心，因为他们活在已不存在的存在。其实，大多数不愉快的回忆，就因为他们是过往云烟，回想时感觉上也没那么伤感或之类的。就像是翻阅一些发黄的旧照片。看见开心的就会心一笑，不开心也就一笑置之吧。

重要的不只是要活在现在吧。也要学着为自己而活。笑也为自己而笑。就算要哭，也要为自己哭。

2010-10-01T20:23:00.002+08:00

Lately, i have been thinking quite a bit about a few random questions. I feel they are rather interesting. The first one is my favourite one by far. Have been thinking about it for a while.

1. If you are forced to lose one of your five senses and you get to choose it, which one would you choose and which one would you definitely not choose?

For me, my answer for the second part was instant. Definitely not my sense of hearing. I think most people who know me well enough know how much music I listen to. I think there are more good things I hear than bad things. Some examples of bad things include reruns of a certain Taiwanese drama with only one word as the title.

The part about choosing one is hard. Left taste, smell, touch and sight. Elimination. I won't choose smell or taste. Simple reason being if you can't smell, there's no point in having taste left. But I feel sight and hearing works pretty much in hand so, i'm left with touch and taste. Haha, and I was just wondering, if you lose sense of touch, will you feel the food in your mouth? I think I'll give up touch still. If cannot taste, smell will only make feel more pissed.

2. 痛或痒？

Wee Kiat asked me this one day. My immediate answer was 痛. He say 痒. My reasoning is that 痒 and 痛 both can use painkiller to suppress. Haha. Imagine you tell someone you take painkiller to 止痒. Anyway, I think it's important to feel pain. 痒 is pretty lame. It doesn't serve much purpose. 痛 is a form of feedback to inform you something is wrong. Not feeling pain is scary.

3. If one day you lose your memory, would you want others to help u recover by recalling the good or bad memories?

I suddenly thought of this when walking home from Sheng Siong (was looking for food that I want). It sounds pretty stupid but I was thinking that even for normal people, bad memories definitely stay much longer with us. Most probably not consciously, but subconsciously and for a good reason. Such memories teach us many lessons. It's not that good memories don't teach us much. However, the lessons are usually less precious.

If I lose my memory, I think if possible, recalling good ones would be what I want. Recovering to a good memory should feel good. The other method should be left as a last resort. Waking up to a horrible memory can be good or bad. Meh, who knows.

Well, actually I just thought of another one. Guy or gal? Better not discuss this. Later kena flame. =)

2010-09-27T00:11:00.002+08:00

Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it really feels to cry?
Cry

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Gotta love this song. Those questions are precisely what I'm asking now. Though I think i pretty much know most of the answers.

It's actually rather obvious. I can't hide it well. I know that myself. I must say I'm a pretty lousy signaller. I can't receive signals well. Never ever established a successful link before. One case in point of an unsuccessful one was I beam too early. By the time I turn off my transmission, the other end starts transmitting. -.- Lame. Another case. After I beam, within a short while, I realised I actually didn't want this link up. Either way, the other end never thought of receiving the signal in any case.

Now, I'm not sure what I'm doing. Logically, I tell myself I don't want to beam. If the other end runs away, it's going to be the worst case scenario. I tell myself. It's not what I should be doing now. Even if I want to do something, it is pertinent that I wait. So, what this simply means is that now, there's nothing I can do about it.

Great. I love this sense of helplessness and the high level of mind fcking. When I want something to change and yet there's nothing I can do about it, the feeling is seriously horrible. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

2010-09-20T22:22:00.002+08:00

最近，总是写到一半就懒得继续了。一懒惰起来，真的什么都没办法做。忙的时候就要死要活的。都不知道在忙什么。跟着自己的尾巴跑，一定有人在旁边看边笑吧。发现自己的脑筋停不下来。若没有在念书，就会忙着胡思乱想。

听歌吧。最近我的ipod里似乎加了很多好听的歌。现在最喜欢的还是这首。

王力宏-你不知到的事

蝴蝶擦幾次眼睛再學會飛行
夜空灑滿了星星但幾顆會落地
我飛行但你墜落之際
很靠近還聽見呼吸
對不起我卻沒捉緊你
你不知道我為什麼離開你
我堅持不能說放任你哭泣
你的淚滴像傾盆大雨
碎落滿地在心裡清晰
你不知道我為什麼狠下心
盤旋在你看不見那高空裡
多的是你不知道的事
蝴蝶擦幾次眼睛再學會飛行
夜空灑滿了星星但幾顆會落地
我飛行但你墜落之際
很靠近還聽見呼吸
對不起我卻沒捉緊你
你不知道我為什麼離開你
我堅持不能說放任你哭泣
你的淚滴像傾盆大雨
碎落滿地在心裡清晰
你不知道我為什麼狠下心
盤旋在你看不見那高空裡
多的是你不知道的事
我飛行但你墜落之際

你不知道我為什麼離開你
我堅持不能說放任你哭泣
你的淚滴像傾盆大雨
碎落滿地在心裡清晰
你不知道我為什麼狠下心
盤旋在你看不見那高空裡
多的是你不知道的事

2010-08-13T01:02:00.002+08:00

this is going to be my favourite song from BoA's latest album. lovely song.

돌이킬 수 없는 시간들
The times that we can't go back to
무너져 내리는 감정들
The feelings that have fallen
붙잡아도 손틈 사이로 흩어져
Even if I grab them, they fall apart in my hand
하염없이 흘러내리는
Because of the constant flowing tears
눈물 때문에 자꾸 나는 시선 둘 곳 찾아 헤메이고 있어.
I keep on looking back

나를 떠나지마 그 말 한마디가
"Don't leave me"
그때는 왜 그렇게도 힘들었는지
Why were those words so hard back then
내 곁에 머물러줘 그 말 한마디가
"Stay next to me"
그때는 왜 그렇게도 힘들었을까.
Why were those words so hard back then

빈틈없이 나를 채우는
Completely, wholefully
부서져 내리는 기억들
I cherished the broken and falling memories
비워내려 애를 써도 소용없고
No matter how much I try, there's no use
모질게 나를 꼭 붙잡는
The yearning holds me tight
그리움들이 자꾸 나를
Even though it keeps me lingering
머물지도 돌아서지도 못 하게해.
It won't even let me turn around

안녕이란 그 말, 흔해빠진 그 말
Words of parting, words of weariness
그 말 한마디에 많고 많았던 웃음과 눈물을 묻고
Those words are drenched in many smiles and tears
거짓말처럼 그 어떤 일도 없었다는 듯 살아질 수 있을까.
Like a lie, would I be able to live as if nothing happened?

It's so damn hard for me to let you go
you know I can't let you go
no I can't let you go

그렇게 떠난 너를
You left me like that
자꾸 떠올리게 돼 나는
but I keep seeing you
붙잡아도 손틈 사이로 흩어져
Even if I grab you, you fall apart in my hand
아직도 그대론데 나는
It's still you
기다리고 있는데 너를
I keep waiting for you
텅빈 안부 조차 없는 그댄 어디에.
At the place where there's no empty memories of you

내 곁에 머물러줘.
Please stay with me

Credits : KoReAnBoBa@BoAjjang.com

2010-08-07T00:39:00.002+08:00

this sucks. when shit happens, all types of shit happen at the same time. i need some time to catch my breath please. stop freaking pushing me. dun test my limit. damn it.

these songs just describe how i feel now. a very beautiful mix.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
Scars make us stronger for life
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

2010-08-05T12:48:00.001+08:00

half-completed posts. half-baked ambitions. half-healed wounds accompanied with half-formed scabs.

陈奕迅-兄妹

对我好对我好好到无路可退
可是我也很想有个人陪
才不愿把你得罪于是那么迂回
一时进一时退保持安全范围
这个阴谋让我好惭愧
享受被爱滋味却不让你想入非非
就让我们虚伪
有感情别浪费
不能相爱的一对
亲爱像两兄妹
爱让我们虚伪
我得到于事无补的安慰
你也得到模仿爱上一个人的机会
残忍也不是慈悲
这样的关系你说多完美
眼看你看著我看得那么暧昧
被爱爱人原来一样可悲
为甚么竟然防备别人给我献媚
不能推不能要要了怕你误会
让我想起曾经爱过谁
我所要的她不给好像小偷一样卑微
就让我们虚伪
有感情别浪费
不能相爱的一对
亲爱像两兄妹
爱让我们虚伪
我得到于事无补的安慰
你也得到模仿爱上一个人的机会
残忍也不是慈悲
这样的关系你说多完美

2010-07-21T01:39:00.002+08:00

Now Playing:
capsule - Sugarless GiRL
Daughtry - It's Not Over
capsule - I was Wrong
capsule - Stay with You (Liar Game - The Final Stage Theme Song)
capsule - Love or Lies (Liar Game original version)
The Temper Trap - Love Lost

2010-07-15T01:33:00.002+08:00

trust. belief. faith. are they really so fragile? hah. i'm laughing at myself now. at the end of the day, whichever perspective i'm seeing it from, the conclusion somehow is always the same. It's so funny. When you realise you have no control over so many things, it all appears so funny now.

It's like a game. The rules have already been set. Now, are they in your favour? If they are, should you be at ease? If they aren't, does it mean u can still try to play a lousy hand well?

I love arguing with myself. It reminds me of how schizophrenic I am. And after the lengthy debate, the same conclusion arises again. Once again. It's laughable. When things are beyond your control, the desperate means that one resorts to are so interesting to watch, in retrospect. It's like watching yourself getting stuck in a game, trying all methods to get out and move on.

This is so hilarious. Haha. This is just so interesting. Naive. Let's see how long can this game last then. Entertainment. Self-entertainment. Hehe this is amazing. Have fun everyone!

2010-04-07T22:11:00.006+08:00

Miss going back to school as a student. So much. It's really a lot more carefree. Study everyday, nua at class bench, cards, class outings etc. Now, I go to school everyday feeling a little weird.

In the past, I look forward to going to school and just k.o. at the class bench. I dreaded waking up early to drag myself to school. Now I still dread it. Well, it feels so different. In the past, the first sight that greets me would be the same familiar sight of that particular class bench. Nowadays, when leaving school, I'll have the habit of looking at the bench. xD today, i walked over to the class bench to talk to some of the 10S71 guys. The class bench we occupied was empty.

That bench was the bench that endured our incessant leisure card game sessions that could last for hours (and of coz everlyn's weight) lol jkjk. The place where we mugged and completed homework at extreme speeds. I can hardly imagine that we actually spent so much time of our JC life at that bench, with the same people.

Now, in school, most things feel different. So different. I no longer reside at the class bench in the right wing. Now, I'm deep inside the admin block. (4th floor summore leh. above staff room. bet u nvr knew this place existed) I no longer see my classmates as I go to school daily. No longer do I get the chance to drag my tired body from the class bench to stand in the central plaza for flag raising.

Gone were the times where people in front of me in lecture turn to reprimand me for talking too loud to the person beside me. As well as the times where I get played out when I get too "focused" in maths lecture. No longer do i have to endure tutorials that seemed to last forever over one mcq question.

Now, I'm the one in front of the class, going thru the tutorial, practical etc. I miss those 4 weeks of teaching still. Teaching those 3 classes made every day of those weeks very fulfilling. I looked forward to seeing them. Somehow, teaching them helps bring me closer to the great memories I had when I was a student.

The shift in perspective and position is really kind of sudden for me, even now, I feel I have not adapted fully yet. I'm still learning together with the students. Except that now i'm not the one sitting amongst the crowd in audi for lecture or sitting facing the whiteboard in class.

I thank 06S71 for making my JC life a really memorable one, thank those teachers who made a great impact in my life and are still guiding me along even now. And of course, I thank 10S71, 10S73 and 10S75 for giving me such a great experience teaching them. To them, I hope they would thoroughly enjoy these two years and make the most out of it.

On a side note, I'll be teaching some more classes soon. =) that's great news for me.

2010-02-02T01:32:00.000+08:00

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you
It's me – I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

So
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
(Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

The lyrics are more for like me talking to myself. lol. whatever.

2010-01-20T00:28:00.003+08:00

ok 100th post. lol. and i just caught my 10000th mouse in mousehunt today. interesting. date not compatible though. just to update on my ultimately boring life.

since i came back from taiwan, i have been officially leading a nua life. enjoyed a bout of food poisoning in taiwan and added National Taiwan University Hospital into my itenary for the day of shopping at XiMenDing.

nvm abt that. after coming back, watched invictus. not bad, but imo it was like trying to achieve too much in the movie but din make it. somehow made me interested in south african history again. read a bit abt the apartheid regime but my limited vocab is annoying me quite a bit. More so with a book i bought that day at mph. lol they were having kinda like a clearance sale so i bought my first ever non-fiction book. The God Delusion. that really tested my vocabulary real bad.

decided to just set them aside for the moment. back to listening to music. something i'm much more comfortable with. lately i've been watching quite a bit more of ayumi videos and listening to her songs. found back a song i used to like a lot but dunno from when it disappeared from my mp3 collection. the song honey from her "my story" album. very nice song. and her live performances are really quite amazing. to me, watching some of her performances are really very breathtaking. she's got charisma and quite a lot of it. frankly, i feel her voice and dancing isn't really that special. maybe it's the way she expresses herself to her fans bah.

watched the short film done up for the glitter/fated single starring her and shawn yue. start of the video got canto monologue from shawn yue with japanese translation. i was like =.= thanks for introducing something equally unintelligible to me. nvm but the video not bad. mainly i like the song glitter.

hehe have been contemplating the option of going to BoA's concert. one issue is the sales haven even start yet. doubt they'll be selling it online. summore if wanna go, shd tour japan at the same time. haha. if onli got her concert plus ayumi's concert same time, i wun even consider le. lol. just go. i have quite a lot of ayumi songs but somehow i dun recognise most of the songs to the titles. kinda like her songs very similar in terms of style bah. but watching her live would be something i really want.

either way, for those working and slogging hard, gd luck and strive on. for those nua-ing alongside me, lol, have fun bah. though it's getting kinda boring seriously.

2009-12-25T21:31:00.004+08:00

Very long never update le. This post is dedicated to the sudden blondness that has emerged within me lately. Lol. Usually, people say that guys will have their brains degenerated in the army. Apparently, the effect kicks in for mine only after ORD.

1. Mixed-up identities

This happened about 2 times. And it was so what the hell. Due to very similar nicks between 2 of my friends, i ended up confusing them up abt twice. They are attached and both times, i thought i was talking to the guy. Let's call the guy J here and the girl S here. LOL. Either way, they suan me enough le. The 1st time i took 1 minute to find out i made a mistake. The 2nd time, i took 5 mins and caused more embarrassment. I defend myself that they have similar nicknames and dps that look quite alike. Same font size same way of talking. So, i conclude it's not my fault. LOL.

*talked for abt 5 mins, all along thinking i was talking to J. So, i was speaking guy talk. =.=*
Me:
ps cannot join u all dota tonite lol
S:
wth are you talking about?!
go where?!
PLAY WHAT DOTA?!
did you mistake me for J again!
Me: Oh ****!
Sorry sorry

I was using quite a bit of ****, *** and ****(dialect). Not nice to reveal here LOL. For details, u can go ask S. I'm sure great details will be shared. Seeing the whole chat log in its original glory will explain the blondness.

2. Not doing the right thing.

I was listening to the radio station 987 online today. With my earphones plugged into the com. So, i wanted to lower the volume of the song that was playing, because it was considerably louder than the previous one.

I put my finger on the wheel on my iPod and turned, all the while wondering why the volume wasn't changing. =.= Mainly, this is because my earphones are about 70% on my ears all the time, and most of that time the earphones are connected to my iPod. I looked like a total idiot.

3. Not thinking at all.

This is the worst among the 3. I wonder what on earth happened to my brain. It happened weeks back. I was planning to do a clean install on my computer so that i can install Windows 7. I backed up on my HDD and realised later Windows 7 did it for me also. So, simply, i wasted 7 hours backing up. Nvm that's besides the point.

I wanted to erase a dvd-rw that my mother used to record tv shows. But, i don't have any software then to do it. i thought at "My computer", there is an option for formatting disc. Dun have. Nvm. So i went to ask my friend.

Friend:
haha
u no more dvd ar
gg
lol
Me:
precisely lor
mother used to record tv shows.
Friend:
LOL HAHA
imba =.= tt's damn wasteful lol
one dvd ji expensive
Me:
damn wasteful.
rw summore.
Friend: hahah if RW just take the DVD wipe it clean
then burn the iso on it lor hah
can work
Me:
O.O wipe it clean?
wth
Friend:
ya
rw can erase what
lol
Me:
just wipe the shiny part can le arh?
Friend:
LOL
PLEASE
WIPE THE SHINY PART
use nero
to erase haha
please wipe the shiny part
LOL
Me:
lol i was tinking wth
Friend:
lol
now technology
not so shen qi yet
LOL
u can try erasing it should work haha

*facepalm max* after that, my mother laughed at me for half an hour. =.=

I personally attribute this to a blonde virus inherited from one of my classmates. Haha, but i tink i have surpassed the level of blondness. I hope this thing doesn't last and that it is only for this month. LOL. Pls try not to laugh too much.

2009-11-02T00:10:00.002+08:00

really long nvr blog le. hardly ever found the motivation to blog nowadays. haha. i tink in future i'll just do short updates to motivate myself to continue blogging bah. xD

talk abt the music i'm listening bah. haha. that's like one of the main events in my everyday life lor... especially now that i'm clearing off and leave. i'm almost 24/7 on my ipod. nowadays, i hardly listen to any chinese songs already. it's like they suddenly all die out to me liao. =.=

more and more english songs inside. really quite a lot. but i think a proportional increase in jpop songs is in place. took a check at the top 25 most played on my ipod. just did a small collation, haha. 4 chinese songs. 3 japanese songs. 1 korean song. 17 english songs. o.O haha. somehow not a lot of BoA songs. haha.

listening to some other jpop singers too. utada's beautiful world is nice. anime song. namie amuro's what a feeling really quite addictive. haha summore all the performances and mtvs quite nice.

at the end of the day, still BoA owns lar. haha. in my top 25, she got 1 jap, 1 eng and 1 korean song there. xD her new single and upcoming one quite gd lar imo. bump bump mtv a bit halloween themed.

just saw a video of Taylor Swift kena pranked by Ellen DeGeneres. damn funny lor. shd pull this off on someone someday. haha.

and finally, i can smell ord. so tantalisingly near. dun feel much seriously. haha. got a lot of hype and such. but i dun feel much of it leh. dunno why. haha.

oh ya. been reading quite a bit nowadays. rare for me lor. last time hardly pick up books to read de. a bit more of stephen king's books. haha. thanks to recommendations. then after that end up watching the movie adaptations of the books. haha.

nowadays, it's so vexing with the watch movie before book or other way round issue. time traveller the movie was gd for me then the book was bad. i rather have it the other way. then end up when watching my sister's keeper after reading the book, it wasn't as gd. i still tink if i watch movie first, will still enjoy the book de. but it's ok my conclusion is still read book first. hardly will the movie be on par or better than the book bah. stephen king's the shining and pet sematary were the typical cases of book > movie. until now, i think onli the 2 death note movies on par with the anime and lose to the manga a bit lar still.

played a bit of dota again after dunno how many months of hiatus. though i wouldn't play it again after the new maps came out. k lar. only feel secure playing treant xD

end up blog quite a lot still. lol. i tink my top 25 most played will be fluctuating quite a bit still. as of now, quite a close fight for the new entrants into the chart. haha. shall try to blog more bah. haha.

2009-08-08T00:13:00.003+08:00

haven been blogging a lot here lately... blogging at NDPeeps lor... haha, quite interesting lar... at least i get to see fireworks on most saturdays...

besides that, thought i succeeded... seriously, find that i'm a person that doesn't keep to his promises much... esp those promises to myself... nvm...

Daughtry - Call Your Name

You never said, you never said, you never said
That it woul be this hard
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars, so
Can you hear me
When I call your name

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your wall can only go down but so low
Can you hear me
When I call your name

Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars, so
Can you hear me
When I call your name

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your walls can only go down but so low
Can your hear me
When I call your name

Song for me... haha... will continue blogging more after ndp... for now, no choice pls endure the lame pix of me on the ndpeeps blog... seriously, a pic of me drinking water from the merlion and another of my abundant white hair at the back of my head... lol...

2009-06-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

everything comes crashing down... it's time to pay my dues... sorry to all...

2009-06-12T02:06:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since i last blogged... lately have been thinking about a lot of things... too much to pen down oredi in fact... xD

summore, have been concentrating on the ndpeeps blog... pls go support!! haha... more interesting stuff coming up soon...

neway, watched dance subaru lately... initially was coz BoA's song, Eat You Up, was used in the movie... LOL... ended up really enjoyed the movie quite a lot...

will update more often after ndp bah... =D

2009-05-16T20:23:00.007+08:00

my mood has been like a roller coaster ride lately... weekends very packed... driving... tuition... sometimes really damn tiring leh... dun even wanna continue... just enjoy life on precious weekends... these were supposed to help me take my mind off stuff... was hooked on to this song lately...

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

the constant shifts in mood between anger, joy, sadness really is damn =.= humans are seriously not exactly made to alternate between them so quickly... in a way, it's the feeling of helplessness that kills me... in many areas... friendship... work...

Hate That I Love You So - Rihanna ft. Ne-yo

That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile?

been fighting myself inside me... not sure of how to settle this... but somehow, i know when i think back on these memories, at least it'll bring a smile to my face... remembering all those little events...

we'll see how it goes... i've been saying much of this lately... probably let's just sit back and watch how things unfold... can be interesting...

2009-04-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

long time no update... lol... have little motivation to blog... lately, been trying to do up the blog for ndp which my team has been doing... seeing so much html just gives me the creeps... see html until damn scared... was nvr good at this kind of programming things...

damn tired lately... driving plus tuition on weekends really drains me... preparing for tuition is damn sian oredi... and driving nid so much concentration... =.= nvm lar... extra income... as for driving, hope tp faster come faster pass faster take licence... lol...

nowadays not many good movies leh... watched friday the 13th today... still prefer the previous instalments... probably coz i watched them when i was young... was more scary then... haha... awaiting angels and demons but somehow shd be a disappointment bah... given the book was so good... hard to replicate it in motion picture imo...

luckily, i found quite some nice music lately... haha... lately, i hardly hear any good chinese music le... found more good english songs and a bit of jap ones... jap ones definitely from BoA... realised i'm really quite a music person... a lot of memories kinda get recorded inside the songs i listen too... different songs seem to relive different parts of my memories... kinda interesting sometimes...

neway, will be diverting a lot of effort to the ndp blog... pls support and if can provide any help with the layout and html, pls help to save me... xD check it out at http://ndpeeps.blogspot.com

2009-04-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody

This time
I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough

So I'll be waiting for the real thing
I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen

So I'll be holdin' my breath
Right up 'til the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with!

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight
Out on the street, out in the moonlight
And, damn it, this feels too right
It's just like dÃ©jÃ vu
Me standin' here with you

So I'll be holdin' my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Ooh! You can't give up
When you're lookin' for a diamond in the rough
Because you'll never know when it shows up
Make sure you're holdin' on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh!

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been really busy lately. Will update soon. Haha...

2009-01-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

David Archuleta - Crush

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

2009-01-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

they haunt me in my sleep... for the past week in camp, i think i only had one dreamless night... most of these practically had no meaning and i dun even bother... probably apart from the fact that a lot of my sleep were wasted... except for one dream last night... so at the end, it all accumulated to show up in this form... i was shaken for today... badly... i dun wanna face all these things again... it's a horrible curse... it's never easy... it never was... it hurts... it hurts to be able to feel... it feels so good to laugh until u feel numb... but when the numbness ebbs away, the pain seeps in... throwing in the towel looks like such an alluring option... maybe it'll be ok by tomorrow... maybe i'll continue lying and cheating and deluding myself tomorrow... bastard who's causing it all upon yourself... u deserve it all...

2008-12-23T00:46:00.002+08:00

enjoying block leave now... lol... feels damn good... except for the past 2 weeks i think, due to a flu and sore throat... i say the weather may be part of the cause... but with so many ppl in camp spreading the virus around, so many ppl all falling sick together... although for my sore throat, the cause would be myself... went to try out the double chocolate hot chocolate with marshmallows from coffee bean that day... sounds so damn cool, and tastes so damn nice... with a lot of chocolate inside... right after finishing it, my throat oredi feels a bit scratchy... now recover le still tempted to drink again... but sore throat really prevents me from eating a lot of things... haiz...

that day had a bbq in camp... some celebration thing... that nite i srsly could hardly drink... abt 2.5 cans of tiger got me pretty tipsy... kind of odd... lol... but after that then means block leave le... dun nid go back camp from 17th dec to 4th jan... quite cool... haha... though abt 1 wk plus of my block leave was spent on writing my ucas essay... goodness... writer's block at its essence... so long nvr write... on top of that, i can hardly write well in english... took me so long to just finish the first draft... intercalated with entertainment still... xD that's y it took so long... now relax for a while first lor... currently conveniently not thinking about the future drafts and another essay for me to write... all these essays r sick...

dun wanna talk abt this... sickening... watched yes man that day... once again proved i'm still rather cheena lol... no subtitles and i dun exactly catch their english well... bad... despite the fact that in camp, i use a lot of english to converse... highly unnatural for me srsly... spekaing so much english kinda makes me feel odd actually... this movie's kind of weird... somewhere stuck between a comedy and a movie wanting to inspire... nvm can't wait to watch red cliff 2... and i still wanna watch ip man... that dae, had a dilemma over yes man or ip man... =.= end up yes man wasn't impressive... must watch ip man srsly...

still haven got any of the stuff that i wanted to get... zzz... saw no wallet that appeals to me... with my current one cannot store any coins safely... annoying... nvm... somehow lately i'm listening more of kelly clarkson's songs again... previously i quite like her old songs... like since you've been gone, because of you, gone etc... when i heard the song never again from her album, my december, i din find it nice... now i find the album actually not bad... i love the song sober... as seen from the last post... kind of describes my feelings a bit lar... previously i was rly hooked on to rihanna's disturbia... actually now i still enjoy that song a lot... usually i get tired of this kind of songs quite easily... and somehow, lately a lot of english songs invaded my song collection... too much english influence around me... but still i prefer BoA anytime... =D her new english single, eat you up, was not too bad lar... hooked on me for quite a while, but comparing with disturbia, still lose lar... just that the mtv's quite cool... and the dance is good... hope the next single will be better lar... she performed that song quite a few times... called look who's talking... although she sounds like britney spears inside, but the dance is not bad though... haha...

been sleeping late and waking up late since block leave... haha... waking up at 1 plus seems quite usual... but will be quite lethargic for the day though i sleep abt 10 hours this way... weird... wonder where all the sleep went... for the days i have to wake up early, like 9 or 10, i could hardly force myself to wake up... even 9 or 10 is counted early to me now oredi... wonder how i'm gg to adapt when i get back to camp... was tinking how i survived in sch last time with abt 3 to 6 hours of sleep... then to tink of it, sleeping in lectures seem quite common... =.= not very proud of that still...

k this time quite a substantial update... at least this place dun seem to be collecting as much dust as it used to oredi... lol...

2008-12-14T15:07:00.001+08:00

Kelly Clarkson - Sober

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

2008-11-22T14:24:00.000+08:00

had an unexpected bookout today... was expecting no bookout during these 2 weeks due to a major exercise... haha...

just an update of what i've been doing lately bah... now staying in another camp for this exercise and the place feels like a chalet... frequent visits to canteen have burnt quite a hole in the wallet and added some bulk somewhere else... xD speaking of holes, a hole appeared (literally) in the coin compartment in my wallet... =X was dropping coins for quite some time before i realised... and my watch strap just snapped on me ytd... on top of all those, my earpiece for my LG phone was lost on the first day of duty in preparation for exercise... =.= damn bad combination of luck... but apart from these, the place i staying at for these 2 weeks is kinda fun...

brought kindaichi comic and some books to read there... apparently, it ended up that my source of entertainment turned out to be largely electronic... oh ya... electronics reminded me of something... i've been so absent-minded lately... for about 2 times within a week, i went to send my uniform for washing in camp followed by a warm and fuzzy spin in the dryer for the second time... both times, i emptied all my pockets with the sole exception of my earphones... goodness... the first time, due to the moisture, on my psp, jay chou sounded like an alien... it recovered the next day without me realising, while i was fretting over having to get a new one to last me through the 2 weeks in camp... the second time happened ytd... i was searching for my earphones and when i couldn't find it, the feeling of deja vu came... i was totaaly sian diao when it struck me it was in the dryer... x.X horrifying... fortunately, this time it worked... probably the dryer did it... omg i better not send my earphones through this kind of gruelling training again...

and my december should be quite fun... think i'm able to take enough leave and off to have my december almost free of any in-camp-having-"fun" experience... though my scholarship essay still nags at the back of my mind, cowering behind the procrastinating part of my mind... as usual, the procrastinating part of me had a landslide victory... on top of those, these 2 weeks at the "chalet" will definitely see my physical fitness free-falling with my ippt coming up soon... and my driving basic theory test coming soon also...

and you are slowly becoming a part of my memory... i think i can slowly learn how to cope without you in my life... i understand how this ends up like that and this choice u made, i'm slowly learning to live to try to accept this... many thanks to all my friends who helped me in one way or another... =P i will try my best to be the happy me again... someday bah...

oh and my bunkmate just brought a picture of his secondary school days to camp... haha... to think i saw quite a few familiar faces there... xD wink, ur secondary school classmate now my bunkmate lor... how interesting... u can have fun guessing who... though i say u look the same in secondary school... lol...

neway i'll have to go back tml morning at 7.30am... which means i have less than a day left of civilisation... apparently, i could see the effects of long-term in camp on us guys... my friend was enjoying the scenery of the specialists having POP ytd with sisters and girlfriends abound... in preparation for the 2 weeks of which the place is replete with males... xD will update when i really feel like it again... haha... have fun everyone!

2008-09-14T16:14:00.000+08:00

maybe things are really starting to change. i'm not sure at all. it appears to me a vicious cycle. at the end of the day, the same result appears. yet, i don't see how to break free of it. come on. at least give me a choice.

2008-06-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

Ok i've realised how long it has been since i last updated. I've really become such a lazy bum. Not that it's my choice lor. Today i finally decided to blog. And mainly coz my stupid com refuses to let me play dota. =X A reformat is long overdue for that bulky piece of randomly jumbled metal. Hopeless thing. Just now it refused to let me accept the offer from NUS. BEST!! Scared the hell outta me lar. =.= Summore so near the deadline oredi. I was slowly taking my time to accept and over the past few wks, i din even bother to go settle it. Srsly, everything i juz slowly and leisurely do le nowadays. Sometimes, i dun even bother to put in the effort lor.

One thing is driving lor. LOL. I'm a signaller that has to learn driving lor. On top of that, i dun exactly have a fully functional left knee. Pressing the clutch for so long is juz such a =.= thing for me. To compound the joke, i kena the instructor which is famed to be the fiercest one in the place. I have yet to suffer his wrath, but that wasn't the case for my poor platoonmates. The morbid looks on their faces after being taken by him says everything. xD So i muz say i'm very lucky then.

Neway, i shd stop talking abt army life le. Unsafe to do it online neway. One thing i can sae is that during free time inside i get rather bored nowadays. Lol and that is attributed to the absence of one of my certain entertainment tools. Xianz.

Started reading more lately. I hardly ever considered this option in the past. With the exception of Agatha Christie's books. At least this activity helps to slow down the rate of degradation of our brain which i muz sae is highly inevitable given wat i go thru now. Lol.

And somehow lately movies hardly appeal to me at all le. Even if one movie caught my eye, it ends up that i'll be so lazy to even go watch it. =.= At least that dae sort of persuaded myself to watch indiana jones. However, in the end, some of my platoonmates start to compare the shape of my head wif the crystal skull. The conclusion came to either a hybrid between a pharoah and an alien or juz simply a pharoah. I must say i'm nt exactly very flattered.

Monotonous life. No wonder there's nth much for me to blog. Having hardly any music to listen to for 5 whole days really stifles me quite a bit. At least now i get to slp quite well in camp coz i'm really so tired lately.

And i'm starting to reflect more on my bad habits lately. Nid to start to slowly correct them one by one. Unfortunately, i tink that there's a bit too much. Nvm slowly start one by one then. One of those that bug me a lot is that i tend to tink so much into a matter that cannot be changed juz by constantly thinking abt that matter. Simply a waste of energy and usually cause a sudden bout of emo. Read a book lately abt happiness. Actually i juz started and my speed is horribly slow. Somehow it caught my interest le. The solution it provided to this kind of prob seemed easy but i'm juz skeptical i guess. Maybe subconsciously i enjoy having my life in this kind of limbo either that or i'm juz simply sadistic and enjoys self-inflicted pain.

Previously i was coping wif juz emotional fatigue. Now physical one sets in too. Really takes the meaning out of many things i used to enjoy a lot. Maybe i juz nid to get used to it. I've been telling myself that for quite some time oredi. I guess it's coz of the sudden loss of so much that makes one so lost and forlorn.

Ok maybe i'll come back soon enuff. When i finally haf enuff things to blog abt. I muz sae that'll take some time. Happy waiting!!! Lol.

2008-03-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

ok it's been so long since i last updated... apparently i juz realised i din blog for the whole of bmt... =) sorry... life has been so boring until i lost the urge to blog... became veri lazy... =.= nt that i'm nt lazy usually...

enlisted into ninja coy... lol... a legendary coy... heard loads... but srsly experiencing it was so different... whole 9 wks, so many things happened... personally, it was gruelling nt coz of the trng... i ended up facing many things alone... it was tough but surviving it was great... but the fact remains that these kind of stuff can nvr ever be solved... and i will alwaes rmb wat happened... and those memories keep getting relived in my mind... i'm still trying to stand up... but seems lyk i still slip and fall everytime...

nvm that... lol... shd stop the emo stuff in my blog... and i mean really... i've been receiving quite a bit of comments abt it... lol... paiseh lor... i tend to blog when i'm emo de... =.= k shd start updating on wat else happened in my life...

well in my bunk i haf 12 ppl wif 4 hc ppl, 1 rj, 2 tj, 2 tpjc, 1 aj, 1 tp (temasek poly) and 1 sajc... and there is one extra bed beside me... hehe... i alwaes go there and do all my stuff after straightening my bedsheet... lol... and my buddy is frm hc... ben... lol even when collect results oso see him... juz coz his cls bench so near mine... and my bed is the furthest frm the door... and if i din rmb wrongly, it was the 2nd nite i got caught for using phone... LOL... coz i was happily listening to the radio on my phone and smsing... my sgt came and was outside the bunk and gave a warning... my frens heard and obeyed of coz... well... i totally din hear and din see... in the end onli realised when he was beside me... =.= was damn paiseh... my bunkmates harped on the incident for my whole bmt... lol... on top of that, i was being constantly laughed at for my bad habit of refusing to wake up... lol... they sae i juz wake up and sit on the bed for damn long... =.= and that i wld be the last to wake everytime... i'm so glad i din slp early on the nite b4 pop... or else my fate may be lyk steven... though luckily my bed is the furthest frm the door... hehe...

that nite was crazy... lol i tink we ended up slping at 2am... lol... a lot of dumb and funny stuff were done... imo the best one was steven and joseph waking up to see themselves facing each other in the corridor... heavy sleepers r really disadvantaged... cannot wake up on time and easily pranked while asleep... i personally haf experienced both... esp when the second one was me getting sprayed wif my own deodorant at a specific sensitive location... =X

in army, growing fat is damn easy... i've put on abt 5kg for bmt... and the 5kg came in the first 2 wks... so i'm assuming they came frm muscles... =P eating became sort of a pastime near the end of bmt where there were considerable amt of free time at nite... lol... lyk got consecutive nites of cup noodle party... lol... damn funny...

ok enuff of ns... collection of results... i juz wanted the bookout... ended up it was lyk any other book out... coz i expected a really long wkend wat... in the end bookout fri book in sat... well those leopard and pegasus ppl r lucky lor... zzz... lol... gg back to sch felt gd lor... taking the bus ride... though usually i was asleep and din care wat's arnd... lol...

ok neway i'll be off to thailand soon... bangkok... anyone nid me to help buy things or wat tell me lor... missing the cls genting trip liddat coz the dates clashed... =( wasted... lol... kk i go slp le... slp deficit still there... lol...

2008-01-04T02:37:00.000+08:00

5 more daes to ns... =( nid to write a decent blog post b4 i enter wonderful resort tekong... =.= wah nowadays slp at abt 3am onwards is oredi a habit le... lol... was tinking of switching back to early slping for this wk b4 i go ns... but then, to tink of it again, in ns, by lights out time i tink too tired and will juz zhijie go into slumberland le... lol...

i can even enjoy the rotting at home le... lol... i tink for the past wk or sth, my mp3 player is badly overworked... i tink lyk frm i wake up to i rest, almost on for the whole dae... except when busy that is... lol... and is the same playlist... i tink abt 80% BoA, 10% jay chou and the rest misc liaoz... lol... jay chou's new album hooked me on so much le... i tink mainly coz when in indo, the main chi music heard was that album... lol dunno listen how many times on the car le... lol...

my life is oddly peaceful these daes le... nt complaining though... juz tinking of how little of such time is left... lol... haf been doing stuff that i alwaes wanted to do... and enjoyed doing... so listening music that one is there oredi... and of coz eating and drinking all the stuff i want... wah my weight has finally finally risen after dunno how many ___... lol cannot rmb le... but it's quite expected coz i've realli been eating a lot... i usually dun eat supper often de... nowadays, i tink lyk practically every nite got sth to eat... lol... lyk that dae nye outing, wah ate a lot lor... i still had that large cup of belgian choc ice blended...

and i finally found the time to finish the new issues of the comic... wow... no wonder they took so long to publish onli lyk 3 stories... hm... then lately no mood to catch movies le lor... though i still haf 2 eng wah movie vouchers to use... zzz... after watching book of secrets then dun feel lyk watching others le leh... though they look really appealing... lol nvm... 2dae i juz realised the death note movie on L is coming out on feb... at least sth i rly wanna watch...

summore sun yanzi new album oso feb i tink... cool... and BoA's new single and album coming out on late feb... liddat good... although feb got one dreaded event oso... =.= ok waves that thought away... lol the jay chou song come again le... somehow this album veri appealing to me leh... nt a veri big fan of him actually... was first hooked onto 蒲公英的约定, then after that was 甜甜的 and 阳光宅男... lol the mtv for 阳光宅男 veri interesting... imba lame... simply whole album nice lor... summore 不能说的秘密 and 搁浅 oso damn gd... lol...

most prob coz i can relate a lot to these songs bah... sometimes even the melody itself makes me feel sad... lyk the melody of 蒲公英的约定, it's 小雨写立可白I frm the movie soundtrack... and the 彩虹 is first kiss frm the soundtrack... well... one thing that is at least i've seen it, mebe nt the full picture yet... but at least now i understand better oredi... to live my life w/o regrets is nt easy to achieve... this time i almost failed in doing so... fortunately, i haf my frens to lend me a helping hand or a listening ear...

i haf lost faith... but at least it's regaining now... had enuff of living in despair and self-denial... staying depressed carn solve anything... at least now things take a turn for the better... at least, this time, i really do not regret...

lol been playing quite a bit of dota lately too... for the dota illiterate pls skip the nxt portion or u'll be drowned in a pile of godnoeswat... lol... juz meng lose... as usual... onli when kena some heroes then use until veri fun... like viper... my old fav... that dae use until 11-0 veri fun... until opponent cm striked back in the end 15-2... lol... and avernus... that one also fun to use... i still rmb that rnd at the katong lan shop... imba =.=... buy two hearts kena focus-fire lyk siao... and tried a few new maps lately... lyk x hero siege... that dae play abt 2 hrs liddat... lol...

wow... i've exceeded my expectations le... lol... tink i go slp le... wrote quite a bit le...

2007-12-20T02:26:00.000+08:00

saw this somewhere... damn lame...

paiseh easily amused... lol...

2007-12-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

finally 18 liaoz... lol... feels almost the same... lol... wat was i expecting neway? juz found it a dae to push myself to blog... after such a long hiatus, sort of oredi forgotten how to blog le... lol... nth to blog... no mood to blog...

prom was ok lar... but the food wasn't exactly fantastic lor... lol... and was wondering y dear yuming wanted to take pic wif me after the prom... LOL... damn lame lar... oh ya... thx for the QOO combo... LOL damn lame lar... salty popcorn sucks... and thx weixin for the movie treat... though it was a first part of a trilogy... *roll eyes* lol... was wondering how come left lyk 5 mins the battle haven start... =.=

i oredi forgot how i spent my bdae last yr le... lol... at least 2dae i had quite a bit of rewards... lyk 2 cups of starbucks... lol... until now still so full... dun nid dinner at all... lol... me and yuming queued for second cup and the staff giving out straws actually asked me, "ur second cup arh?" =.= wth... lol... zhijie can rmb de lar... diaoz... and someone told me sth lyk this, "if it's ur happiness concerned, it's free for all de..." lol... either way, it's nt for me to choose...

every yr, i make a wish for my bdae... of coz, the norm lar... but yrs passed, my willingness to make a wish has declined... rapidly... of coz wif no expectations, there will be no disappointment... however, how is it possible for one nt to haf expectations? at least, i carn... for a long period of time, i was veri convicted that one wields his destiny and determines his fate... i was so naive to actually believe something lyk this... i've finally learnt it the hard way... however i will still try hard... at least i wun give up without a fight...

i've lived for 18 yrs... with plenty of ups and downs... i'm glad for all the great things that happened in my life... for the unhappy occurrences, i juz took them in my stride, being the onli thing i can do... i thank all who stand beside me when i'm falling... without u all, i'll be in a far worse state...

either way, i'm finally of age... =) lol... this yr, i hope my wish comes true... i'm nt asking for a lot... lol...

2007-11-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

i realli juz cannot shake it off... srsly damn it... facing it for dunno how many fucking years, it still bugs me lyk hell... some things in life are not up to u to choose... the delusions nvr leave u... neway, life was nvr meant to be simple... but i still tink life is fair... despite facing this, i still feel glad for the many gd things that haf happened in my life...

if it's meant to stay, it will... if it's not, it will leave sooner or ltr... for now, juz let it be... there's nth i can do neway... lol... sry for refreshing this blog wif a lame entry... LOL paiseh... will write something normal nxt time...

2007-09-30T20:06:00.000+08:00

I've walked a long journey. A really long one. Alone. And it's really tiring. Very tiring. However, I will walk on, head held up high, to show the world that I will live on and put up a great fight. To those who listened to me, thanks.

2007-08-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

having viral infection sux lar... was trying to blog in standard eng... it's still too unnatural for me... now i haf calamine COATED all over me... wah... i look in the pink of health oredi... =( wonder how i got it... and dun sae the word starting wif s and ending wif d... =.= lol... nvm lar... at least 2dae in sch i dun feel that sick anymore... lol...

1 month wif this virus leh... this is horrible... i feel lyk some living specimen... lol... alongside the flu and sore throat as well "predicted" by SOMEONE... lol... juz now went for bbq... too oily again... then my stomach din lyk it... wah... lately damn suay leh... wonder wat's wrong... haiz... even lancraft bully me... lol... and my pic ended up on someone's bdae present... =.= so malu... gary's pic enuff le wat... =P dun nid mine...

well amidst all these lousy stuff, many gd things happened... =) the jay chou movie ost was out... it sounds great... and i'm lyk some advertiser liaoz... lol... the song called qing tian wa wa is so fun... lol... plus not onli this... i found some hq versions of BoA's new single songs... wah... all so nice leh... esp the last song there... beautiful flowers... aiyo... carn get enuff of it...

plus watched a few movies lately... secret is nice overall... a simple and nice story... in addition to the nice story, gd songs there oso make it much better... rush hour 3 was nice... i dun lyk action movies much... but comedy is damn nice lar... the jokes there srsly damn zai... lol...

ok i still feel damn itchy... lol... all the drugs dun work lar... damn zZz... i do hope i get well soon...

2007-08-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Fool

Step up - step up (step up)
Step up - step up (step up)
Step up - step up
Step up

Fall back, take a look at me and you'll see
I'm for real, I feel what only I can feel
And if that don't appeal to ya, let me know
And I'll go, cause I flow better when my colors show

And that's the way it has to be, honestly
Cause creativity, could never bloom in my room
I'd throw it all away before I'd lie,
so don't call me with the compromise
Hang up the phone,
I got a back bone stronger than yours

La, la, la, la - la, la…
La, la, la, la - la, la… (la, la, la)
La, la, la, la - la, la… (yeah, yeah, yeah, yea…)

[Chorus]
If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
(I'm not nobody's fool) I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
(I'm nobody's fool) I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try - go ahead and try

Don't know, you think you know me like yourself
But I fear, that you're only telling me
What I wanna hear, but do you give a damn
Understand, that I can't, not be what I am

I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon
It's not a simple, here we go not so soon
I might have fallen for that, when I was 14, and a little more green
But it's amazing, what a couple of years can mean

La, la, la, la - la, la… (ooh…)
La, la, la, la - la, la…
La, la, la, la - la, la… (yeah, you - yeah, yeah, yea…)

[Chorus]
If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
(I'm not nobody's fool) I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
(I'm nobody's fool) I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try

Go ahead and try
Try to look me in the eye
But you'll never see inside
Until you realise, realise, realise…

Thing are trying to settle down
Just trying to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
If it's with or without you
I don't need your doubt in me

[Chorus]
If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
(I'm not nobody's fool) I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
(I'm nobody's fool) I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try

La, la, la, la - la, la… (yeah, yeah)
La, la, la, la - la, la… (yeah, yeah)
La, la, la, la - la, la… (…ooo)
La, la, la, la - la, la… (…ooh)

La, la, la, la - la, la… (would you be laughing out loud)
La, la, la, la - la, la… (if I play it to my own crowd)
La, la, la, la - la, la…
Try.....

cool lyrics... sounds lyk challenging someone to battle... xD sorts of fit wat i feel now... well gotta be more independent and juz be strong...

2007-07-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

almost 2 wks nvr update le... lol... past 2 wks quite interesting... but last wk was damn weird... lol... thurs was a totally crazy dae... lol... dun understand how come that dae i was in such an unknown fury... lol... whole morn lyk madman liddat... weird... lol... then sat harry potter came out then funny lor... stuck to the com screen for so long... plus sundae oso... lol... totally bao liaoz... but this book not bad lar... except some little lame parts here and there... haha...

wonder wat'll happen when it becomes movie... lyk they can finish liddat... later the pace lyk the order of the pheonix movie liddat... lol... that movie damn funny... the first hr speed damn zhai... the director lyk racing liddat... siao one... see until will blur de... lol... then put those kinda stupid kissing scene... lol... lyk 2 goldfish liddat... but the fireworks part nt bad lor... though the book one more spectacular... plus nvr feature the swamp thing... lol...

lately veri xianz leh... totally lost appetite liaoz... dunno it's sch food lousy or wat... weird... but 2dae go chi high oso eat a bit onli... xianz... weight oredi gg underweight liaoz still liddat... =.= argh... how come liddat de? then morn breakfast almost cannot eat anything de... xianz... then dinner best... got appetite le nvm... eat until veri full... then if nvr nap will gg de... but if nap, my alarm nvr work de... later end up zhijie wake up nxt morn... so -_-... at home wake up see wat's there then zhijie xianz diaoz... nth nice to eat de... onli thing nice is chocolate... lol...

now i suddenly lost liking for milk and white chocolate liaoz... lol so sudden lar... now eat the white one find it too sweet liaoz leh... weird... then dun wanna buy belgian one... quite ex... lol... but veri nice lar... lyk the venezia belgian choc flavour... that one damn nice lar... so nvm... now eat dark choc first... abt 40%... quite nice still... that time try the 70% one damn scary... lol...

haha... then sundae was a veri funny dae... i hardly haf dreams... that dae had a srsly damn nice dream... i hardly rmb dreams... i starting to wonder if i was realli asleep that time... lol... so funny... maybe got the dreamy dreamy expression that time... lyk the luna lovegood in the movie... she so much better than the cho chang lar... lol... that one got a bit qian da face... lol...

xianz tml got bio prac and econs... i wonder which one's worse... =D

2007-07-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

wah... so long nvr blog le... lol... life haf been unusually peaceful lately... apart frm the usual fights wif my bro... lol... my mind has been rather clear lately and haf been living rather happily lately... that's quite gd oredi though... haha... sch has at least taken my mind off a lot of stuff le...

and now all of a sudden there r so many guwadzais... =.= look at tagboard... *points to left* lol... so interesting... haha... and my music collection now getting highly limited liaoz... in variety i mean... almost all jap songs liaoz... lol a lot of anime songs... and edmund dun sae anything abt the rooster le... lol... nth to do wif that... but jap songs nice lar...

cut my hair again... finally found a short one that's quite nice... but headache 2dae... do the diversity tut until damn sick... it's srsly dumb lar... lol... oops... ok shdn't sae more... lol... enjoy this chi song... i hardly post chi songs liaoz... this one veri sweet...

2007-06-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

juz found this song... death note movie theme song... realli nice...

Suga Shikao - Manatsu no Yoru no Yume

I'm lonely and a liar
and I'm always just dreaming
You pretend not to notice
but still hold me

It feels like I'm a vampire
sucking your tenderness away
If an endless sadness should surround us,
let's hold each other as we wait for morning
I wonder if someday we can forgive even the irreparable scars
With a smile that hasn't changed since that day.

I dream at midnight
It was an awful nightmare and I woke up
A gloomy dream of the midsummer night
An endless darkness outside my window

Reflected in the mirror was hate, jealousy,
love, desire, and warmth

And when I slowly close my eyes, you come back to my memory
and disappear when I look back
Even if you can't reach the place we were to meet at,
I won't let go of your hand...
You laugh gently as if it were something that happened in a distant world
I'm lonely and a liar
and I'm always just dreaming

2007-06-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

xianz... now feeling veri pissed... bleah... play com a bit then tio kb lyk crazy... damn xianz where sharing a com wif a bro... not exactly an angelic one esp... plus he get admin accnt and i dun... zzzz... my accnt forever lag lyk crazy... bleah... juz ranting... lol gotta get it off my chest... haha...

neway, lately heard this phrase frm somewhere... haha... veri interesting... 人生中最痛苦的不是失败，而是遗憾。失败是暂时的，但遗憾是永远的。veri true rite? sometimes it realli hurts to face failures... but facing failures make someone grow stronger mentally and mebe physically... u tink over wat went wrong and wat u shd haf done... thru that, can improve mah... that's gd lor... but a regret is even worse lor... it weighs on u for as long as u live lar... that's seriously veri grave... and often u'll brood over it and yet u noe u can change nothing liaoz... simply coz it's over... quite bad lor...

neway, enuff of that =.= stuff... mugging has been srsly dumb lar... the drowsiness sets in almost all the time... and it dussen help wif supportive people arnd... damn supportive... it's not as though i play nonstop for the whole dae lar... bleah... within 1.5hr of gaming, cfm i hear several friendly persuasions coming frm certain ppl... damn nice of them... when the blocks results come back, i gonna slap it in their faces and show them wat dota can do to results... zZz... heck it... go slp lol...

2007-05-26T22:12:00.001+08:00

juz now when i listening to my mp3, then suddenly i thot of sth veri stupid... then thought abt it for a whole hour then came back to same conclusion lor... lol... veri funny... i was tinking wat happen if i haf to lose one of my senses and i get to choose... wat will i choose??

first thing that came to my mind was hearing... then soon vision came to mind... then i thot i rather be blind than be deaf... quite hard to choose btw these two lor... then i visualised i cannot see but can hear... (quite ironic though... visualised and cannot see... lol...) then i tink not bad wat... though i cannot visualise can see but cannot hear... quite hard that one...

then i compared hearing and taste... wah... somehow zhijie eliminate taste... i tink i can still survive w/o being able to taste... plus my appetite has turned frm bad to worse lately... so wun affect much... lol... wat else har?? oh... touch... that one arh... if hand still can function, means still can move and stuff lar... then quite ok lar... i oso nvr tink much abt that one... coz quite ambiguous... no sense of touch quite hard to imagine... cannot feel heat, pain bah... lol...

sense of smell seems like most insignificant to me lor... compared to the rest it's quite -_- lar... so i spent the rest of the time tinking sight or hearing... finally conclusion... muz listen to music and the ppl arnd me... tink i nid that the most... cannot see it's ok lar... then can listen to the little nuances in ppl's voice and detect their emotions wat... quite cool...

lol not that i will poke my eyes and try or sth... lol... the start of my holidays... so interesting... LOL...

2007-05-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

had been emo the past wk... and ytd it reached a peak... wah imba... but 2dae veri funny... all the good things come tgt at once... then make me damn happy... best is my mp3 player the LCD screen suddenly recover liaoz... imba... after i squashed it while listening to sleep previously, it screwed up and the red colour can diffuse thru the screen liaoz... zhai... dun nid repair liaoz...

then listening to BoA's songs oso make me veri happy... i juz realised her korean versions of her jap songs r a lot better lar... lyk No.1 and Key of heart... damn nice... lol... and ice cream sales haf been damn funny... before sch end i see earnings 2dae lyk 70 plus 80 plus onli lar... damn imba noob... then after h3 sylvia sms me sae earn 316... lol... i thot she type wrong lar... i ask her if it was total or for 2dae de... lol... srsly 2dae 316 bucks imba lar... but tml i haf to bring cones to sch liaoz... damn xianz... juz now went ntuc to buy... buy 4 packets of cones wait damn long lar... =.= stupid shit... and i srsly hope i dun break any cones b4 reach sch tml... and i tink i wun be late... i hope... =P

wah tml haf to sell after tennis finals lar... damn xianz... sell until nite leh... zhai liaoz... LOL hope can finish by then so thurs dun nid to sell liaoz... lol... so i dun haf to endure more of those irresponsible jnrs... they srsly imba lar... either come late or zhijie nvr come coz got lessons... best... all imba responsible... LOL

neway, i muz not be emo liaoz... lol... got a few frens sae i lyk got depression liddat liaoz... lol... =P

2007-05-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

veri long nvr update liaoz... lol... haha... 2dae feel a bit moody... veri long nvr emo liaoz... haha... last few wks feel veri gd... 2dae then feel a bit weird liaoz...

neway, i'm realli sry i carn behave lyk nth happened... realli sry... it's juz me... i alwaes thot that i can handle it well... thot i'm the 拿得起, 放得下 type... actually not... i thot the past experience has been far too painful... so this wld be nth... apparently not... there's juz a barrier inside me... and i hope u wun mind... coz it's juz the way i am... i've tried my best to change... to behave as normal as possible... but i carn achieve it... pls forgive me...

haha... and xianz... maths test coming again... bleah... tink i go sleep early 2dae... haha... or else later tml go sch feel sick again... this morn feel damn feverish and weird lar... lol weird...

2007-04-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

avril lavigne's new album finally out liaoz... now listening to it... quite nice lor... of coz girlfriend is the funniest song lar... lol... still prefer under my skin though... argh 2dae ran 3km tired lyk shit liaoz... lol... damn long nvr run liaoz... still kena overtake by jnr... =P the song innocence juz played... sounds real gd... up till now 3rd best behind girlfriend and keep holding on... haha...

xianz... i still haven get out of the emo mode lar... bleah... even though not full on but still a bit -_- lar... though 2dae everything seems veri funny... dunno y leh... haha... prob 2dae better mood bah... and coz got chi high food bah... lol the college food seriously making me damn sick... LOL...

and my sore throat is near gone... wah... finally... i abstain frm chocs for abt 1 wk liaoz... aiyo... muz not eat too much or later napfa that time sore throat return then gg liaoz... haha... now dunno if i shd watch nightmare detective liaoz... read some reviews that gave it veri unkind ratings... lol... haha... nvm wait for more ratings b4 deciding... plus spiderman 3 coming out soon... haha...

oh ya... and sports dae on mon... the mon b4 labour dae lar... wah... liddat quite zai lor... haha... wonder if spiderman 3 previews on mon full yet anot... if not full can go watch... haha... then zhai...

and i juz found the lyrics for innocence by avril lavigne... omg the lyrics r so cool...

Innocence - Avril Lavigne

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

the lyrics so nice... =D

2007-04-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

updated the song abt a few hours early lar... actually a dae early... this song has no lyrics, juz an instrumental... i tink... haha... rather sad song... got it frm the negima anime... and i wun bother gg into the details of the anime again... haha... worth listening...

and my eyes r giving me quite a lot of trouble... onli my right eye though... lately it becomes easily tired and starts aching... lol... then i go see mirror it looks lyk the blood vessels r attacking the pupil... or is it the iris... hm... OH... the pupil... ok... that was lame... i srsly forgot... still went to wikipedia to check... neway, after the coffee bean drink that dae, the nxt dae i looked lyk a monster lar... one eye perfectly fine, the other lyk engulfed in some evil thing... lol... damn funny...

and speaking of coffee bean... i wasn't thinking right that dae i tink... i actually bought the ice blended wif extreme version, which simply gave more caffeine... -_- cldn't sleep until 3-4am i tink... lol... haha... and the first two hrs after the coffee was nearly dedicated to the loo... lol... i alwaes get weird reactions to caffeine...

and i dun feel naturally happy lately oredi... that's rather weird... maybe growing up does make one understand a lot more things... and wun haf such an optimistic outlook of life liaoz lor...

maybe i'll get out this stage... lol... =D

2007-04-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

yup... the damned stars nvr shine for me... i nvr see the signs... at least not the correct signs... i alwaes lead myself to some damned cursed corner... great... juz great... maybe i shd realli juz dao... juz simply dao... save myself frm all these infuriating stuff...

i've gone crazy oredi... will suddenly out of no reason become damned emo... then no reason suddenly damn happy... then when i start doing hw, my mind will drift off... and it nvr drifts to somewhere nice... and it doesn't help when one has loads of cryptic dreams coming lyk avalanches in lyk juz a few daes... deprive all my sleep and make me feel worse...

then sometimes get damn emo then start crying lor... trust me... it doesn't make u feel better... it makes u feel worse... sometimes cry for 1 hr then realise how stupid i am... seriously there's nth i can do... completely nth... it sucks whenever i try to make things turn out better and i cannot do anything at all... i can onli watch things go down the drain... and fail terribly...

this sucks... this realli sucks... i'm realli speechless... destiny played me out... EVERY SINGLE TIME... fun rite? go on... i believe i determine my fate... and i will triumph... dun tink i'll be beaten...

i gotta tink straight... and seriously recover soon... i cannot go on lyk this... and this is nobody's fault... it's juz my own fault...

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday

i hide all my hopes and dreams away simply because i noe they'll nvr realise... all i see is empty bubbles of speculation and guesswork... good to see but they nvr last... and most importantly, they aren't real... =D simple as that... perhaps i expect too much... i dunno...

i'm so bloody exhausted...

2007-04-04T20:06:00.000+08:00

ok lately i've gotten a bit too high... lol dunno y... then i'll unknowingly talk louder and louder... lol esp during lectures... sry to all who i've irritated... lol i'll try to control myself... lol i lyk will suddenly start laughing and talking stupid stuff... lol...

prob coz i lately listening a lot of the music and lyrics ost... got the lame song at the start of the movie... and the buddha song by the gal... haley bennett... damn funny lar... life after blocks feel damn great lar... wif dota and so much stuff... haha...

and BoA's new song was released early online... wah... damn nice song wif a zai mtv... =p heard two times then obsessed liaoz... haha... tml got dota summore... then got mahjong frenzy liaoz... wonder if we'll play exponential... =D

then the bus arrival time prediction thing on my phone making me damn lazy liaoz lar... everytime go check the time liaoz then lag in class bench... in the end will miss bus by a few seconds or minutes... lol... damn lame...

nid to exercise more liaoz... lol... this time napfa cannot try anything funny... lol... plus this wk no pe... coz wasted time in audi instead... bleah... damn stupid... and i nvr do tutorials for daes liaoz... xD meng slack... ytd try a bit of complex 3 then give up liaoz... =D nvm let my partner do... lol... tink 2dae haf to sleep early liaoz... cannot tahan... plus tml lecture dae... dun wanna fall asleep too much there lol...

2007-03-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

yahoooo... tml last paper liaoz... wah this time seriously carn wait for it to be over... lol... gogogo tml chiong dota... and speaking of dota, someone has better not irritate me again... lol... my blocks over liaoz... so had better dun do anything rash...

neway, go watch this... Avril Lavigne singing the song Girlfriend wif parts of chinese... oh my... damn funny... =D

2007-03-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

someone told me this lately... i found it so nice somehow... i wld sae i'm happy for that...

"i believe fr u life in reality is better than yr dreams ;)"

to me, regardless of all the ups and downs in my life, it's still a great life... i will learn to cherish the things arnd me more... =D

2007-03-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

new template!! lol... finally found a new template liaoz... looked over dunno how many... designed by the same person as the previous template... this person's templates i lyk... =D lalala...

lately seriously no mood to mug liaoz... i totally damn relaxed lar... lol see the results lor... =D and lately juz found a damn funny song... haha... the mtv damn funny lar... nxt tues change the song u all enjoy... =D now no space to put lyrics liaoz... plus i lazy mah... haha...

but the chatbox i still dun lyk the orange lines... but i so noob at such stuff then heck it lar... lol... ytd bought a pack of ruffles... damn zai lar... they actually got promotion so watch gv movie 5.50 onli... nice...

i wanna watch spiderman 3, harry potter and so many more this yr... juz pray hard they dun clash wif As mugging period... lol... neway, blocks gg to end... jiayou everyone! =P and i feel much better lately... at least i tink so... lol... but the emo blog skins still appeal to me... got one damn extreme... but damn nice lar... lol... it looks damn morbid lar... haha...

carn wait for blocks to be over... gogogo... =D

2007-03-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

now in a veri -__- mood... morn got ns medical check up... was damn -__-... test physics... nice... i zhijie do until gg to sleep liaoz... and i currently in pes d... rock on... =D

xianz... no progress in mugging ytd... bleah... spend the whole dae staring into nothing... either that or meng gorge and gorge and gorge... so my BMI todae tipped the line... =D lol... feeling realli terrible lately... sundae went library meng borrow comics... lol... nice... borrowed wrong kind... aggravated condition... *shrugs*

this songs rox... listen from earphones damn zai... one singer on one side of ur ear... o.O and the anime lately veri slow... make me even more bored and stone... i oredi halfway gone case liaoz... now see notes the brain instantly zao4 liaoz... dunno go where liaoz...

namida kakushita egao, kimi wa kidzuiteru ne
Original egao de, kakenuketai yo

uq vktgf... ectp igv qwv kv... ikxki wr... ugtkqwuna ikxki wr... gxgtavjkpi... uqogdqfa ucxg og... =D (i was bored...)

2007-03-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

missed sch 2dae... for ssef... =D it was quite gd... at least we went home at 2.30pm... yea... and there got xbox 360 summore... coz the thing held in the ifuture place... lol... damn lame...

i've been thinking a lot lately... realli a lot... i muz thank all my frens for staying wif me and helping me, this idiot... haha... thanks for everything...

2007-02-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

lol... forgot to change song ytd... too dazed ytd liaoz... x.X and i'm ok oredi... to all who haf asked... thx a lot... life goes on doesn't it... and i muz sae u dun haf to apologise... coz it's nobody's fault... =D

bio 2dae was fun as usual... =( but i did find some entertainment from someone... *raises eyebrows* u'll nvr noe if those ppl who mould the souls of others are bored enough to moonlight as cyberstalkers... nvm... i talking crap... lol...

ssef coming soon... bleah... it sux lor... shdn't haf taken part... aiya... neway, too late liaoz... lol... juz took a rare nap... =D tonite i'll stay up late then to add a lot of songs to my mp3 player... suddenly feel lyk listening to more chinese songs... weird...

argh... a lot of hw to do...

有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

2007-02-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

I think I've made a wrong decision. I seriously think so. Fate played me again. For the umpteenth time. Well, it's no surprise to me actually. I'm used to it. But, I feel indignant. Why me? Why just me? Probably it's just because I'm pessimistic lately. Well, it's not unfounded for me to have such apprehensive thoughts. Well, maybe I'm just a coward. I hate myself. For being such an idiot.

The whole day, I've been really depressed. But, somehow I instinctively put on the usual facade when I stepped into school. The wide smiles adroitly conceal the tears. The laughter facilely cloaked the misery. It was difficult to keep up the facade today. As the day went on, my mood simply dipped into an abyss. It was painful. On the bus back home, I was watching one of the episodes of Negima again. The first season. It was near the end of the series. The part when one of the female lead died before she could say something important to the male lead. Halfway, my vision went out of focus and I lightly rubbed my eyes. Only to find my fingers slightly wet.

The stuff that I watch and listen to lately seem to affect me a lot, adversely without fail. The playlist on my mp3 player has been abound with songs from Avril Lavigne and Corrinne May. The more I listen, the worse I feel. Probably I'm just going crazy.

我现在真的觉得已身心疲惫，还不断钻牛角尖。被命运捉弄了无数次，也难免会失去信心。可是，这次我不会屈服的。我很期待你的答复。我胡思乱想了一整天，深怕你会疏远我。我不希望你从我的生命中销声匿迹。我所说的每一个字都出自我的真心。你对我真的很重要。我还是会耐心地等待你的答复。在那之前，我还是会继续做你的朋友。

2007-02-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

in a dilemma again... months ago, i sorted out everything and concluded that none of that was present... for either one of them... now i'm torn between the choice to step forward or to hide in the shadows... i dun wish to make a wrong decision and destroy everything... yet, i carn bring myself to live my life dae by dae, knowing that i din pick up the courage to say it...

i dun understand y this has to happen... such things hurt me the most and i dun want history to repeat itself... i am putting in my 101% to repress such things... it's realli exhausting... i dun wish to be affected by it but it keeps dwelling within me... =( maybe i'm reading too much into some stuff... but what if i was wrong? wat if i was right? argh... i'm seriously veri confused now and feeling veri lost now... i'm not satisfied with the status quo yet intransigent to go a step back or front... my head's cracking... argh...

it's simply deja vu to me again... and i let a chance slipped past the previous time... but circumstances are different... and the timing is simply not perfect... so wat shd i do??? maybe i shd juz leave it as it is... and let life carry on... i carn risk it... i am rather risk averse now... and i tink this may either be a regret or a right choice made when i look back at it in future... argh i'm seriously going nuts now...

once bitten, twice shy. somebody save me.

2007-01-31T20:28:00.000+08:00

finally found the mood to blog... =D bio SPA was quite ok lar... At least we can spam... Spamming can relieve stress lor... lol... been really tired these few daes... bleah... damn weird lar... i dun understand why lor... =( i sleep quite a lot liaoz lor... compared to some of my classmates... then everytime i become more sleepy than them in school... -_- Wonder what's the problem...

heck lar... tonite sleep early liaoz... or else tml sure KO de... lalala... veri bored now and i dun wanna do hw todae... then i shall talk more abt this yr... this yr, i feel i'm a whole load more happy... even if i'm more tired now liaoz... and even though my parents and brother nvr fail to piss me off... but life on the whole has become veri good for me... =D i dunno y this yr i feel much happier... last yr i had several low points in my life... but who noes... things change for the better...

and of course my lame CT cannot stop laming me wif that -__- way of calling my name... seriously it gives me the creeps... lol... and keep telling me not to smile too much... lol... and i started watching negima anime since last yr end... it's a great series and after watching it, i've realised the importance of my frens arnd me... summore j2 liaoz... we wun haf much time together... and frens nvr fail to cheer up, especially wif the jokers in our class... lol... i wun ask for much in my life liaoz... at my age, these are enuff... it'll be better of course without the incessant nagging... lol...

was listening to avril lavigne's album, under my skin again lately... i ripped from my fren, who bought it in penang that time... and it was some official album and had 22 songs in total... =D and that album is imba... it can make someone suddenly feel damn emo... so if veri happy then better dun listen... lol... this song is a veri nice and sad song... other songs are also damn nice... haha... anyone wants juz ask me then... the whole album is cool...

now feeling oddly high... dunno lar... a bit weird liaoz... xD haha... tml chiong lecture... and carn wait for JTS... hehe...

2007-01-11T22:22:00.000+08:00

shall try to blog in a more organised way. lol. coz i looks rather illegible to me too. wif all those dots here and there. today feeling damn xianz. bleah. of course it's because of THAT thing, which involves the writing of reports and stuff.

wahlau. seriously i nid to complain lar. it's getting on my nerves. and this kind of thing not first time liaoz. start of last yr oso did this kind of thing. in the end, others sae i slack and dun work hard. but wtf if u want me to help, pls use a nice tone. i hate it the most when others threaten me. received so much threats and stuff everytime frm ppl in THAT place where most adults from that place congregate everydae in some secondary sch. once even happened during my sec 4 exam period. thx hor ppl.

that time was miserable. ppl threatening me to complain to THE OTHER SIDE, where i am now. i better dun sae stuff too explicitly in case those idiots come and ga jiao me again. knn. all these bloody cyberstalkers. if u dun wish to see stuff that u dun wanna see, dun go looking arnd for it.

haiz~ the more i tink, the more pissed i get. damn. then back to the damn report thing. seriously. there's this person called Mrs. C who seriously dussen help a lot when she's holding a rather impt role. nvr helps and make us rush for the deadline. nice one man.

suan le. shan't condescend to the level of these lowly beings and be angry wif their antics. lala. neway, this wk's song veri cute. haha. beautiful fighters by ayumi. the mtv damn nice lor. at least makes me feel happier when i'm pissed, lyk now. lol.

tml will be a great dae. wif the movies and campfire and stuff. and i did not sae maths test and the handing of the wtfknnccb report. i tink todae i said quite some sensitive stuff but i dun care if those ppl see this. u wanna get me, come on. bring it on. this time i wun give in.

2007-01-03T17:29:00.000+08:00

well... i veri xianz now and dun feel lyk studying bio... so i shall blog! =.= wah... dunno y 2dae so damn tired... i ytd sleep damn early liaoz lar... bleah...

a lot of ppl sleep lesser hrs than me but dunno y everytime in class i feel lyk gg lalaland liaoz... lol... sometimes because of external factors that occur in the classroom... ahem... that are sleep-inducing... lol...

and now i juz carn wait to watch death note 2 tml... lol... motivation to study for bio... bleah... and centad report haf to finish in lyk 10 daes... o.O impossible... lol... heck it lar... lol... oh ya... ytd i finally finished torrenting BoA's bdae concert... bleah... took me long enuff... coz my internet speed is =.= as expected from some company called pecknet... looks not bad though...

and i dled one mtv from ayumi's new album... the format was in VOB format... coz ripped from dvd mah... then i was frantically looking for a converter for it... searched and searched for 1 hr... in the end, i realised it is equivalent to mp2 format... juz rename to .mpg then can liaoz... -_______- wth... lol... waste my time... lol... haha... nvm.. the song will be here nxt wk... =D

this wk's song not bad... haha... more suited when we mugging for A lvls... lol... took some time to find it coz it's a digital single... woo... new tactic from the recording companies... and of course i dled the digital single and paid for it lar... i veri law-abiding de... =D ok i dun tink anyone will believe that... lol...

and i saw this bag frm ip zone lately... wah... veri nice leh... but i broke lately... lol... haha... plus owe ppl money... lol lala... ok go study bio liaoz... wanted to play dota juz now... lol... ytd new version came out... xD

2006-12-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

juz defrosted my blog... took quite some time... coz lately i cast my eyes on sth... =D the ryuuku figurine is so cute... (look below) =D lol u muz be thinking that i'm nuts... lol... but he's so adorable... =D

well... been stuck at ntu until now... wth... i wish it could end soon... bleah... and i juz found out got new blogger features liaoz... oOo... i nvr knew coz mine is auto login de... lol...

carn wait for death note 2 to come out... though i accidentally saw the plot outline liaoz... xD so lame... haha... nth to blog lately leh... haha... dun feel lyk blogging... but mine on hiatus for damn long liaoz... lol... argh now i obsessed with ryuuku liaoz... the stuff toy oso not bad... lol... looks much more cuter... =D wanted to ask zq to help me buy the figure... but i wonder how much will it cost over there... haha... well... i can go find out how much the figure is... but haf to go to funan lor... wah... quite far for me... lol... when i haf the time i go lor... =D the stuff toy one singapore lyk dun haf liddat... xianz... haha...

still veri bored now... haha... this wk lyk dun haf death note anime leh... haha... watch until episode 10 liaoz... haha... hope it's up soon... =D

2006-11-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

2dae was a bad dae for my fingers... bleah... at the lab, got 2 of my fingers stuck in the wrong places... lol... first time juz a small swollen part of my right finger... with a broken vessel inside.. bleah...

the second one was scary... i hardly see such a bad one on myself... lol... was pushing a trolley which was damn hard to control and suddenly it charged at the wall... i reached my hand to stop the front of it and my finger was stuck in between it and the wall... wtf... when i took it out, the skin was stuck to the wall... o.O dead... the thing started torrenting... lol... and someone in the lab wanted to use cotton wool to dab the saline off after washing... O.O lucky i was still in the right state of mind to use gauze... phew... but now my finger is soooo swollen... bleah...

and i carn go iceskating nxt wk wif the class... bleah... that adds salt to the wound... i'll be cooped up in a veri xianz place... argh... lol...

2006-11-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

lol... after reading ksiong's post then i realised how long it was since i last updated... lol... veri xianz lately... bleah... centad is boring as usual... and fortunately there was class chalet to bring my mind off stuff...

halo realli caused my eyes to hurt lor... lol... played for damn long lar... and the tv was $#^%! small lar... lol... and on the dae b4, we still went dota... one game abt 1hr 40mins... omg... haha... 2dae had bio o... as expected... massacre lor... veri bored now... haha...

had quite some dota matches online lately... haha... ytd play wif gary's fren veri o.O lor... lol tio bully lyk hell... haha... and lately, i carn tink of many songs to put on my blog liaoz... hm... muz go listen more of the radio liaoz... =D lalala... shall update when i feel lyk it again... lol...

2006-10-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

不知为何今天很想用华语来博客。比较喜欢用华语吧。今天心情有那么一点点乱。突然想起之前和一个朋友的谈话。我不清楚自己心里怎么想。或许我我心里已做好决定了，但只不过我还找不到那个决定吧。总是听他人说这种事只有自己最了解，但我反而觉得自己更难抉择。心中的迷惑与迷惘让人感到不安与混乱。或许他说得对吧。如果不去闯闯看，那么永远都不可能成功。如果闯了而且成功的话，那么就是完美结局了吧。如果失败的话，至少心里不会那么忐忑不安了吧。但是还是得面对失败的痛苦。而且，要闯的话，还得赌上之间的友情。

但我想了想后还是觉得去闯很危险。之前那段日子实在是太过痛苦了。每天过着痛心疾首的日子并不好过，我不想再重蹈覆辙。我那朋友问我保持现状自己会比较快乐吗？我觉得自己的确会满意现状。我这样的确是在逃避问题，但我又能怎样呢？可真是进退维谷啊。我自己觉得能忘记这一切，反正之前的风风雨雨都比现状恶劣上几千倍。但我能这样面对每次的挑战吗？我不想去想，也想不通。但之前的那段日子真的很痛苦。在上次与另一个朋友诉苦时，我无法控制自己的情绪。我不想让一次的失败笼罩在心里，挥之不去。说穿了就是自己胆小，我不否认啊。说闯谈何容易，原地踏步也没用。　

那么，就当作一切也没发生过吧。自己这样或许会比较快乐吧。我看还是别闯我人生中的这些灰色地带吧。这一切或许只是海市蜃楼，来混淆我的。算了，还是别说下去了，免得越描越黑。就让这首歌形容我的心情吧。平时不怎么喜欢听这首歌，但现在觉得它恰好诉说我的心声。

害怕　- 孙燕姿

害怕
忘
我没有很努力要自己去遗忘
那些和日记一起收藏的过往
孤单在思绪之中变得很漫长
想
我没有很刻意让自己不去想
那些和照片静止的模样
我学着坚强
坚强到不用学着不想
学着遗忘
还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你
还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息
然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰
当拥有已经是失去
就勇敢的放弃
还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记
还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定
然而当爱最后的出口是分离
我会这么相信
走下去

2006-10-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

Thanks for all the guesses... They were very interesting... and TADA! the answers are revealed... lol...

1. I weigh 50kg...
Well... it's true... haha... at the start of this yr, it was 48kg... =D trying to gain a bit more...

2. My favourite movie is not Spiderman 1...
erm... this seems to haf hooked some memories of a certain exam paper... lol... but this statement is true too... heehee... my favourite movie is the parent trap... it's realli veri funny and touching lor... spiderman is ranked second... =)

3. I dun lyk durian...
ok this changed since i was young... when i was young, i adored it... dunno why i dun lyk it now... lol... i feel the smell is too baoli liaoz... XD

4. I hate tom yum...
this started when i first tasted tom yum in thailand... the sourness is -_- for me... haha... cannot tahan... if the spiciness is there then i maybe wun mind lor...

5. I was bonded first time in singapore...
ok... the first false one... lol... lionel, THX HOR!! lol... u were part of it summore... haha... i was safe until then... neway, shan' t talk much abt it... *grins*

6. I lyk to go to the zoo...
i nvr believed i actually can lyk to go there... lately when i went there with ghee boon and the rest, it actually transformed until quite nice leh... =) surprising though...

7. My favourite chocolate flavour is white chocolate...
oOo... this one... =D i used to love white choc... until i bought three wishes in australia, wah!! dark choc, milk choc and white choc in three layers... wah... too bad singapore nvr sell... -____- xianz... so nice lor...

8. I want to have a hamster for a pet...
oh yes... i love hamsters... though i quite sadist... ok that's beside the point... hamsters are cute at least... heehee and they remain petite... but my family freaks out at the sight of hamsters...

9. My favourite author is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...
this may be true in future but at least not now... i do like mystery stories... but i love agatha christie's one... only those with the detective hercule poirot... veri veri nice... conan doyle i juz started reading lately... but the stories i read the plot lyk quite similar leh... weird...

10. My spectacles cost $400+ bucks...
this is scary lar... lens at least 200 liaoz... frame oso... the frame some kind of memory metal then more durable lar... the lens is understandable... lol... degree 800 on right and 700 on left... lol... but not i pay... so =D

11. The songs i listen to reflect my mood...
oh yes... when i'm happy then i listen to BoA's songs lor... and maybe smap... if unhappy, then green day, kelly clarkson, avril lavigne etc... lol...

12. The last time i drank coffee was was at least half a year ago...
lol... technically it's true lar... lol... i hardly ever drink coffee... zeqi that dae pointed out to me i tried maria's coffee that dae... -_- ok so that one not counted lol... but i quite caffeine intolerant lar... if drink 1 cup then most prob dun nid to sleep liaoz..

13. I wanna be a teacher in future...
this one lyk nobody believe liddat... -__- haha... since i was young i wanted to be teacher... but maybe will change in future... frm the looks of students nowadays, lyk us... nxt time even worse... lol...

14. I shouted at a teacher before...
well... this is quite lame... lol... coz that time i wasn't in a good mood... and the teacher ga jiao me... lol... that was quite baoli to think of it now... haha...

15. I view life as a roller-coaster ride...
oh... i do see life as a roller coaster ride... my thinking is that now we r young... the ups and downs doesn't change a lot... happy oso not damn happy those kind... unhappy oso not the extreme kind... then grow older then ride becomes more steep... ups and downs lar... so whenever i feel i'm happy, then somewhere later will unhappy de lar... wat goes up muz come down... lol...

16. I have over 80 BoA songs in my com...
ooo... onli maria got this rite... lol... haha... i went to count onli abt 50 bah... lol haha... but will increase soon.... =D found many gd ones lately...

17. My wish is to have unlimited amount of chocolate at home...
this is lyk a child's wish lar... lol... i want lor... though i alwaes haf choc at home... unless i'm lazy to buy lor... but everytime veri fast finish de... including sweets too... haha... everything do some hw or sth a while then go raid fridge liaoz... that's y my efficiency is damn low... lol...

18. I wanna buy the whole set of Kindaichi comics now...
oh... i want lor... but veri hard to find full set de... not a veri popular comic wat... that dae i go my hse nearby one they say they can order whole set for me... 6 bucks each book... siao... 27 books leh... i buy in bulk summore... bleah... now still finding... lol...

19. My favourite english singer is Avril Lavigne...
haha... this one juz changed lately bah... used to lyk her songs a lot... then now for rock i prefer green day... and apart frm that then depend on mood, maybe kelly clarkson or corrinne may lor...

20. I love spicy food... The spicier the better...
oh yes... =D i lyk this kind... but haven try eating a lot of wasabi yet... everytime i try onli put the wasabi and add soya sauce... so quite mild one... i dunno if i can take the baoli one... lol...

so answers are 5, 7, 9, 16 and 19... let's see...

0/2: sylvia
0/5: mann
1/5: ksiong (5), ever (7), kiwiz (5), yzq (5)
2/5: neo (16, 19)

now wait for the answers from others liaoz... =D

2006-10-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

tagged by MANn... lol...
One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they’ve gotta be true.
Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.
Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.
Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!
Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

1. I weigh 50kg...
2. My favourite movie is not Spiderman 1...
3. I dun lyk durian...
4. I hate tom yum...
5. I was bonded first time in singapore...
6. I lyk to go to the zoo...
7. My favourite chocolate flavour is white chocolate...
8. I want to have a hamster for a pet...
9. My favourite author is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...
10. My spectacles cost $400+ bucks...
11. The songs i listen to reflect my mood...
12. The last time i drank coffee was at least half a year ago...
13. I wanna be a teacher in future...
14. I shouted at a teacher before...
15. I view life as a roller-coaster ride...
16. I have over 80 BoA songs in my com...
17. My wish is to have unlimited amount of chocolate at home...
18. I wanna buy the whole set of Kindaichi comics now...
19. My favourite english singer is Avril Lavigne...
20. I love spicy food... The spicier the better...

ok i tink i tag ppl lar... this one quite fun... i tag ever, ksiong, siewhong, yanmin... aiya... dun sabo so many ppl... =) come and try...

2006-09-28T23:13:00.000+08:00

life sux... promos sux... the world falls on me... wat can i sae? wat i can do? live my own life... for my own... juz let my world revolve arnd me... the old wilson u knew has died long ago... the wilson u used to know can laugh at anything in life... no matter how sad he was, he would be happy again in no time... but it's different now... everything's changed... the wilson u see now is juz the carcass, there's no soul inside... i dun even noe where've it'd gone... maybe it's juz lost when the old wilson died... now juz rmb the wilson u see now is juz a living corpse... juz someone who walks wif no mind, no soul and maybe no conscience... hope all those who find life great now stay the same... cherish ur perspective of life... maybe somedae when everything collapse on u, u can still take it coz ur life has been great b4... my life was great b4... but it took a wrong turn and now i realised... i carn walk back... now that's y when i face things lyk those, i carn face it... even i noe it in my heart... coz i'm still hurt... veri hurt... until the dae i recover, or if i ever recover, i'll juz stay as the corpse then...

whole load of crap up there... dun bother reading the rantings of a bloody idiot...

2006-09-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

more proud productions from members of a self-deluding club... lol...

2006-09-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

lately been talking to frens about some interesting topics... first was the uni thing... were discussing about what course to choose... hm... then some wanted to study medicine... i once thot of it but study veri long lar... wah... then actually i dunno leh... quite luan... then another thing was choice of uni... =) this is good for me... lol... coz i shd be onli considering ntu or nus if i study in singapore... smu dussen seem quite probable... lol... i've once thot of gg overseas to study uni lor... hm... if i can, i wanna go aust lor... that'll be great... but nah...

then another topic is abt cancer... lol... coz i keep eating mac lately... lol... so ya... lol... i dunno y the way i tink is veri different... ppl fear it a lot... i dun mean i dun fear it... but if i'm destined to get it, there's nth i can do wat... i feel that will kena or not is cannot control de lar... simply heng suay lor... and even if suay, then juz make the rest of the life the best part of ur life lor... i mean no matter wat, one may not recover and juz leave the world somedae... so might as well live the remaining part of the life to the fullest... of coz if there's a chance of recovering, muz pia to fight...

wonder y talk abt such topics lately... lol... promos coming too stressed liaoz... =)

2006-09-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

this is a veri sad song lar... that dae heard joakim gomez sing it on sg idol... the song veri nice lar... then went to download original... the lyrics are realli sad lor... worth looking and listening... the guy in the song damn sad lar... and he can onli act as though he sae nothing... torture man...

speaking of torture, tml got pw... the wr is starting to be a taboo word for me... i hear it then -_-... wahlau... then that dae kena niaoed by rosshan summore sae we zham eom inside... =.= haiz~ good luck to us tml then... lol...

2dae 2 hr bio and 2hr maths... the maths was as usual godlike speed... bio was incredible... someone wasted a bit of time on some stupid table then in the end the table a bit fei, lyk him/her/it... choose urself... =) soon someone realise we r laggin and go thru tutorial a bit fast... reaching godlike speed... interesting teaching methods by some ppl...

hols not lyk hols... lol...

2006-08-31T21:53:00.000+08:00

went to watch devil wears prada wif 4i ppl 2dae... haha... not a bad movie... quite nice lar... wun sae veri nice but not that lousy either... no apparent climax though... juz that it brings out an impt idea... make ur choices carefully and that to survive in this dog-eat-dog world, there r some things u gotta do... the make ur choices carefully part reminded me quite a bit about click... haha... i tink this is more of a gal movie though... we went and lyk onli us and 2 more ppl in the theatre r guys... LOL... haha... gals would indeed enjoy more coz the whole show u see and hear all the designer brands... lol...

the main character, Andrea Sachs, sort of subconsciously chose her work over her bf, frens and family... and her boss, miranda priestly, oso sth liddat then her husbands left her one by one... i sort of pity them lor... but its true sachs' boss is bloody possessive... lol...

sometimes i wonder if i make the right choices... when i tink of the past, looks lyk i've made a whole load of irrevocable mistakes... well... wat can i do neway... juz let the daes drag past me... sometimes i realli considered gg overseas for studies... prob aust... the pace of life there rather slow and relaxing... i wanna escape from this place... but taking a break dussen seem that easy... let it be then... maybe that long-overdue break will come somedae... god noes when though...

2006-08-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

oops... this song came a bit late... 30+ mins late... but nvm... happy bdae again, da sao... u r older now... pls grow vertically, not horizontally... not that u nid much of that oredi... lol... neway, this song veri nice... and fits ur bdae... haha... hope u had a great time blowing candles... =)

wah... veri xianz... tml got ct again... hope not lyk last wk those kind of -_- ones... wah... eh... juz checked it oredi... quite ok act... sabba concert... lol... easily zZz... lol... haha... better than talking wif sergeant... he speak a lot of sense lor... lol... more hair, more static... clever guy... haha...

oh ya... and silver test tubes r nice... lol...

2006-08-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

this is the eng version of the BoA song... key of heart... haha... juz that the grammar sux... lol... lyk someone's tutorials... LOL enjoy...

2006-08-15T18:33:00.000+08:00

another song... hee2... this one is BoA's newest single... veri nice... juz dun watch the mtv... veri -_- haha... neway, i've onli got the jap version of the song... this one got eng version... not that she can pronounce eng well though lol...

2dae learnt a new type of bridge... lol so interesting and special... and 3 players needed only... liddat not bad... haha... wah... tml damn xianz lar... ct session until 3 leh... -_- sux... argh... haha... at least got chi high lunch tml... 2dae went to chi high eat too... lol coz chem lab early release... =)

now xianz lar... haf to revise for maths and spa... and timed assignment and chem test same dae as well... good planning frm sch...

2006-08-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

updating again... not in a good mood lately... the mood of "breakaway" feels stronger by the dae... haiz~ go sch oso xianz... go home oso sianz... feel so lost... and the taiwan immersion thing realli makes me recall a lot abt the penang exchange programme...

i tink those who took part muz be feeling rather sad now... saw ksiong in sch 2dae all tired... then he was flipping thru the photo album containing pix taken wif kendell... brought back a lot of memories... that time when we left, i rmb we cried until the teacher was -_-... haha... then din even wanna come back to sg... even after coming back, had withdrawal for quite some time lor... i onli missed home on the first dae... i still miss his room where i cld play dynasty warriors on his ps until 2am or watch spiderman on astro, the cable vision there... while he cld enjoy himself at lalaland... lol... miss that period lor... when this kind of programme end, u lyk wake up frm dreamland to reality... hard luck... at least the good memories retain...

hope he's coming in the end of the yr... i wanna bring him all arnd sg lar... and juz now i saw emb got one summer programme at melbourne... that sounded real fun... lol and during my bdae summore... =) if not too ex, i wanna go lor... i nid a break... it's been almost a yr since i had a break lyk that... now i'm so exhausted... i nid to start anew... somewhere... argh...

2006-08-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

tues change song again liaoz... =) this song represents my mood veri veri well now... haiz~ i mean juz let it be lor... 2dae spent a lot of money... $$$ argh... nid to start saving liaoz... wanna get a better mp3 player... my current one sux... ew... haha...

neway, 2dae the ndp performance was xianz... duh... as usual... and i missed the parade... nvm lar... then got some bio lect after performance... that was -_- too... then after that went to orchard... haha... lunched at scotts... pastamania nice but burnt part of my pocket 2dae... haha... then movie, click... not a bad movie haha... veri funny but touching... haha... my type of movie at least... haha...

then went to pool... haha... 2dae at least i din screw up as much... lol... haha... neway, enjoy the music... still not in a good mood... haiz~

2006-08-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

2dae leap was erm... haha... better than all the other ones we had lor... lol... big contrast wif sl... LOL... but damn lame lar... she teach the stuff damn confusing... lol... still teach how to go into taxi formally... juz walk in lar... still lower body first... -_- haha...

then after that then we went shopping for presents for 5 ppl... omg... that was scary lor... my feet were gg to collapse liaoz... wah... ytd play squash until -__- liaoz... juz now my shoelace keep falling off lar... lol... then i bend down onli a bit difficult lor... lol... then when we got near to cine to haf our dinner, after buying all our presents... i saw sth damn OMG... i saw someone playing n3 there lar... and the tv is lyk damn big lar... omgomgomgomgomg... haha... looked so fun lar... argh... haha... but lucky i nvr go play... or sure die de... dun nid go home liaoz... haha...

juz now tried to transcript the interview... haiz~ looks lyk this is gg to be damn difficult... argh... so xianz now... feel lyk window shopping summore suddenly... lol i'm gg nuts...

2006-08-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

wah... the problem is finally solved... the one that my blog gives a error msg in Internet Explorer... this oredi proves mozilla firefox owns internet explorer... no nid econs mock court liaoz... and the problem is so -_-... kudos to da god, chee... he found out the prob for me... and the problem was actually coz the pix in my previous post were too big... i was lyk LOL... interesting... so i deleted them... juz now i went to resize them looks even worse... lol...

the lyrics for BoA's your colour is in eng liaoz... yay! found it somewhere on the net... haha... and the song is so nice lar... lol... now i meng find videos of boa on youtube... lol... haha... 2dae had a baoli squash session... at least 2-3 hrs bah... wah... haha... a lot of exercise... esp when me and mitch play doubles wif 2 gals... 1 guy 1 gal 1 team... lol... u juz see 2 crazy guys runnin all over the court trying to win... the 2 gals are those who serve the balls... LOL... nonono not slack... lol... haha...

tml got grooming... LOL... sounds lyk a lame one to me... but i heard it's quite nice... i bringing my old hp along... spam games tml liaoz... lol..

2006-07-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!! 2dae was a bad dae to start wif then it turned straight to the other extreme... ARGH!!! i'm damn hyper now... lol... start of the dae was xianz...

i went to nus to conduct survey... did a certain amount... *shall not disclose... veri paiseh number* lol... then when leaving halfway, it rained lyk HELL!!! holy shit... the rain was damn baoli lar... in the end my berms were half wet... then i gave up go shelter for .5 hr... =.= xianz...

then when i got to je, things changed... a whole lot... i was walking down from the arcade and walking towards jurong lib... then i saw a BIG BIG screen frm a game shop... and guess wat i saw... i saw inphyy doin her ulti lar... fyi, she's one of the characters in ninety nine nights (n3)... an xbox 360 game... then i juz zao into the shop... and tell the person i go book the game for 1 hr... 3 bucks lor... quite ex but nvm lar... look so fun lor... in the end, it was still worth it... the game was omgwtf damn zhai lar... the graphics are zhai... the best part is in fact the video clips where the characters talk to each other... the emotions are so real lar... and veri nice... omg i realli addicted liaoz... lucky i stopped short of buying one and start 24/7 playin liaoz... haha... okok enuff of words... let the pix explain...

2006-07-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

another wk has passed... another song liaoz... haha... this is one of the few english songs i lyk... hm... if u hear it on local radio, it's a lil different... kena censored liaoz so sounds a little weird... haha...

wah... 2dae lessons damn xianz... esp econs... wah the aircon is baoli man... lol sch aircon free de lor... full blast until liddat... lol... then pw lecture was =.= shd haf ponned... lol... in the end i late for my dental appointment for 1 hr... lol... coz the bus damn slow lar... lol... and dentists are seriously colour blind lar... lol... last time i tell him i want dark blue... then the colour fade become green... todae i tell him dark red... in the end become bright red... =.= this looks eww now... yux... lol...

oh ya... go this link... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7tQent98hk haha... nice video lor... woa... BoA's song plus a damn zhai game... lol... was watchin the clips of ppl playin it... lol the spells bao li lor... then 1 screen can haf 5000 enemies... LOL... called ninety nine nights... the game lyk dynasty warriors lor... but more fun lar... lol... mann ying went to buy BoA's single 2dae... 2 songs 16 bucks... wah... damn ex lar... but the song reali nice lar... lol... tml kope hers to listen... lol...

tml ct session again... =) so fun...

2006-07-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

changed the song again... this one quite similar to heaven... both slow version of techno songs... the slow remix made by the same person... this one oso quite zhai... haha...

wah xianz... my msn still so screwed... juz now send email to msn... dun tink it'll help lar... lol... haha... some of my contacts online then i dun see them on web messenger... even my web mes lan4 diao then i die liaoz lar... lol... haha... zhai bo...

2dae econs was fun man... lol... haha... that teacher pro lor... haha... she speaks lyk disssssssssssssss... so slow and steady... lol... haha... tml chi high canteen again... haha... wed oso damn fun de... wah haha... but afternoon damn xianzz.... it's realli damn xianz... argh... sure knock out again de... haha...

so bored... go do pw... pw zhai lor... haha....

2006-07-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

changed another song liaoz... haha... this song veri veri veri nice... tink most ppl wld've heard the techno version... believe me this is better... haha...

2dae went to chi high to eat... wed damn shuang lar... 1.5 hr break haha... plus eatin that time still talk abt such an interesting topic arh... daneeeee 2dae veri haiz~~~ veri disappointed... haha... ku4 zi3 shi1 diao4... ok... sounds so wrong... haha... 2dae was sleepy as usual... was halfway into lalaland during econs... ee loong beside me was still awake lor... though he said i inducing sleep liaoz... lol... then maths almost slept again...

ct session 71 not bored... nonono... go take ppl's bus pass then pass arnd... got quite a few ppl... hm... jason first, then maria, then cms, then me... diaozzzz... started by maria... still pass to in front of naga siren... clever ppl... haha... lucky 2dae dun haf song of siren or else ko again...

71 ppl msn nicks lately veri creative... started on mon... wif [www.tee-dong-xiang.com] in ppl's nick... hm... nice name rite... dong xiang is a veri fickle person simply... =) then ytd [www.zeqi-inside.com] adapted from intel inside... came after someone was found out to getting 37/50 for gp essay... then 2dae [www.daneee.com] started frm chi high canteen... dun wanna sae again... later will puke lar... lol... wonder wat's for tml... lol...

tml most prob return econs paper... so dotz... if mrs tan come to sch lar... she mia 2 daes liaoz... 2dae another teacher come in for lecture... so lol... no comments... haha... neway, if u're bored now, go [www.daneee.com] ok????

2006-07-08T15:24:00.000+08:00

had a great sleep ytd... after the chalet... still went for lan... sapped me of all my energy... slept when i reached home... in afternoon... woke up for dinner and slept again... till today morn... wah... feeling so xianz now... haha...

tryin to do some tutorials now... feel so brain dead... whole hols nvr touch hw now haf to start... feels so weird... argh... and i tink i lended my alkenes tutorial away... seems lyk it's gone... -_- wateva...

my msn failed lately... now resorting to webmessenger... feels so weird... haiz... surely my internet prob... pac net veri clever... good connection... xianz... carn wait for the contract to end soon... feel so bored now... go sleep liaoz...

2006-06-29T18:31:00.000+08:00

TML LAST DAE LIAOZ!!! argh... seriously carn wait for tml lar... this whole wk screwed up by stupid blocks... argh... tml then woohoo... haha... but bio leh... wahrau... dun feel lyk studyin... the things lyk not thick at all... onli 1 full file... bleah... yux... heck it juz zham this one then over liaoz...

almost fell asleep durin chem mcq... plus the qns damn tedious... haha... maths i p and c still got decimal place answer lor.. pro... lol... tml then zhai liaoz... onli abt 16 hrs left... gogogo...

2006-06-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

the phoenix used to be able to bring light and hope to the world... it radiates an aura of happiness and mirth... wherever the phoenix flew past, smiles materialised and laughter was resounding... the place was a beautiful picture... the phoenix was content when it saw the smiles on their faces, so natural... it was happy it could bring joy to people around it...

whenever the phoenix felt alone and depressed, it didn't last for long... once it met up with its friends, its friends in turn elicited the smiles and laughter within its heart... the phoenix felt so contented because it felt that it had found its purpose in his seemingly insignificant life...

soon, the phoenix and its friends moved on in life and they went their own ways... the phoenix felt lonely... it wondered, "is this deja vu? why am i alone again?" it flew around aimlessly... flew past the people it used to cheer up... now, it could no longer brought smiles to them... they looked at it with empathy...

the looks in their eyes... they yearned for the phoenix to become itself again, to bring joy to them again... the phoenix was enlightened... it had to carry on its mission...

soon, the phoenix flew around airily and the aura exuded from within the phoenix once again... the people were happy again, but they were oblivious to the tinge of melancholy on the phoenix's face... it adroitly placed a mask over its face, eclipsing the woe within...

flames appeared and ignited the phoenix, engulfing it... in no time, it was reduced to ashes... maybe someday, the phoenix will rise from the ashes and soar like it used to... maybe then, it can truly deliver gaiety to the world... maybe... someday...

2006-06-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

wah... xianz carn wait for fri to come... nxt 3 papers no aircon liaoz... zhai lor... sure do until pek cek de... esp in hall... xianz... haha... ita aus was a damn crappy match lar... wth... best red card lor... this kind oso can penalty... now italy kena insulted lyk hell in the forums liaoz... lol... 12 seconds b4 ending lor... wth... referee another pro guy... haha...

sianz lar... tink of thurs and fri then damn xianz liaoz... juz bored now... go watch this... see how italians act on the soccer field... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_dGmcrrHeg

2006-06-21T01:50:00.000+08:00

tried to change the size of the box on the blog... xianz... carn... wanted to post a mtv there but the thing not wide enuff... argh... plus i'm so bored now... haha... go this link and see... veri touching de... =) my fren told me he cried when he watched it... haha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUQalySOm2w

neway, thought of this while being super bored... haha...

he woke up in the nite, from the weirdest dream he'd ever had... he could not remember clearly what had been enacted in his mind... all he remembered was that he saw the most beautiful gal in his life... he felt puzzled... he wondered why he could only recall the gal... she seemed so familiar yet distant... however, he remembered it ended up becoming a nightmare... soon, bits and pieces of the dream appeared from nowhere in his mind and they flashed across his eyes... suddenly he remembered what the dream was... the nightmare he had... he had it all along... everydae since he met her 5 yrs ago... he broke down... he thought he forgot about her totally... then he realised deep in his heart, the wound was still fresh, bleeding profusely... the scab had just fallen off...

lol... wat is that crap... lol... shall go to sleep liaoz... tink brain dead liaoz that's y... haha...

2006-06-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

juz suddenly felt lyk blogging... was tinking of my ncc life again... coz it's the biggest regret in my life yet i had the best experience there... was comparing it wif the experiences in perth and penang... it had a different meaning though so cldn't act compare them together...

perth and penang were great times to get away from sch... thou for penang, i went during term time and was a little meng... haha... great trips to take my mind of studies...

but ncc was veri different... it was a journey of twists and turns all the way from part a to part d, which means sec 1 to 4... i rmb for the first three yrs, my attitude was that of a real slacker... pon training... pon camp... slack arnd... when go trng, either pull down the rest or kena pulled out to be tekkaned... esp when dick was arnd... i was even more determined to pon trng...

haiz... i rmb during sec 2 when i was in 2i, got one dae, lujie and jason were trying to persuade me to go trng... i forgot wat i did but they juz walked away liaoz... haiz... during those 3 yrs, i had no thought of repentance... and was persistent in the ponning and all those shit...

until kep yong took over in sec 2 mid yr... frm the start he inspired me... that time ncc was guard-of-honour for ndp celebrations... he brought us to march and practice on the track... he led us to cheer and shout and even made track ppl leave their turf... that was unforgettable... i was chosen for goh... i was happy... but some ppl din make it in and they deserved it more than i do... i felt guilty... in the end, the goh march in was in fact quite well-done... but i still pon, even though lesser... though kep yong was in fact a lot better as a PS (platoon sergeant)...

there was once when we went for a marksmanship test at hq... i rmbed we flopped... quite badly... everytime kep yong wanted to "scold" us... we'll be sent to ep3 block 2nd floor... but he din scold... he was telling us where we went wrong and pointed out our problems and motivated us...

it was onli when kep yong's term was ending then i realised my mistake and decided to work hard... the mutuals and stuff i tried my best... soon, specialist course stuff were settled... there were two batches, one for the better ones and one for the not so good ones... i got in to the second one and saw some ppl i din expect and heard them lamenting and felt veri weird... haiz... in the end, the two batches were merged into one, except for a few who still got second... that camp was great... it was not exactly fun but at least i enjoyed it... haha...

soon, posts were chosen... i got the post of head medic... though i ponned a lot... but this post wasn't veri easy since ppl din haf a great impression of it and simply there was this prejudice against medics... however, there were some dissent over me getting that post since i ponned so much... i was attached to the part b training team as a medic and there were two more attached to part a and c... then ord came... kep yong they left and before it officially ended, he gathered us together and each of the ncos talked to us personally... ky came to me and said that he saw that at least i tried hard in his term and hoped i cld be a good nco... that struck me hard... real hard... i was so guilty i felt so dead...

during his term, i din even try my hardest... i rmb jquek and bryan alwaes pull me out to teach me more since i was lagging... they were fierce... but tinking back, i thank them a lot... there was a period of time when bryan injured his arm but he still came for trng... they realli taught me a lot and made me learn everything so i cld catch up wif the rest...

then i realised that i've wasted 2 yrs of my ncc life away... and that i shall make up by being a good nco, a good medic... soon training started... til today, i still miss trnd a lot... everytime go there and see the part Bs grow... from the first time we met them, they onli noe basics lyk sediya and stuff... until when we ord, they noe sizing and a lot of stuff... and they grew up... trng was nvr boring... i rmb alwaes talk cock wif the cadets damn fun... and wif jason and yushu... haha... it was realli fun...

when i started working hard, i realli haf to thank my platoonmates for being there wif me... esp both jasons, lujie and ernie... plus kc, for letting me get that post when i was that kinda person... they alwaes talked wif me and nvr treated me as a slacker... i'm realli glad i haf these frens...

when we ord, i realised it was the dae when i'll find out how did i do for the past yr... that nite part b gave us, the training team our presents... they gave all the APSes a adidas water bottle each, plus written in silver ink was "Part B / 05 Training Team =)"... it was the best present i've ever received... haha... then we did the same as ky they all... talked to them personally... i asked some of them what they thot abt us, the traning team... some of them thanked me and said thx for taking care of them when they were sick in camp and all those stuff... i felt accomplished for once in ncc... and i rmb a few weeks after ord, we still felt weird as we had nth to do on fri... haha...

i still haf to thank ky once again for inspiring me to be a good nco... i may not be that good but at least i feel glad that at least this part of my ncc life was fulfilling and great... thx to everyone in ncc, including the part Bs for letting me haf such a great time being their APS... haha...

woa... 1.17am liaoz... so much above... lol... still bored... find sth to do now... =)