Wednesday, February 21, 2007
lol... forgot to change song ytd... too dazed ytd liaoz... x.X and i'm ok oredi... to all who haf asked... thx a lot... life goes on doesn't it... and i muz sae u dun haf to apologise... coz it's nobody's fault... =D
bio 2dae was fun as usual... =( but i did find some entertainment from someone... *raises eyebrows* u'll nvr noe if those ppl who mould the souls of others are bored enough to moonlight as cyberstalkers... nvm... i talking crap... lol...
ssef coming soon... bleah... it sux lor... shdn't haf taken part... aiya... neway, too late liaoz... lol... juz took a rare nap... =D tonite i'll stay up late then to add a lot of songs to my mp3 player... suddenly feel lyk listening to more chinese songs... weird...
argh... a lot of hw to do...
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了快乐是选择
rotted-9:22 PM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I think I've made a wrong decision. I seriously think so. Fate played me again. For the umpteenth time. Well, it's no surprise to me actually. I'm used to it. But, I feel indignant. Why me? Why just me? Probably it's just because I'm pessimistic lately. Well, it's not unfounded for me to have such apprehensive thoughts. Well, maybe I'm just a coward. I hate myself. For being such an idiot.
The whole day, I've been really depressed. But, somehow I instinctively put on the usual facade when I stepped into school. The wide smiles adroitly conceal the tears. The laughter facilely cloaked the misery. It was difficult to keep up the facade today. As the day went on, my mood simply dipped into an abyss. It was painful. On the bus back home, I was watching one of the episodes of Negima again. The first season. It was near the end of the series. The part when one of the female lead died before she could say something important to the male lead. Halfway, my vision went out of focus and I lightly rubbed my eyes. Only to find my fingers slightly wet.
The stuff that I watch and listen to lately seem to affect me a lot, adversely without fail. The playlist on my mp3 player has been abound with songs from Avril Lavigne and Corrinne May. The more I listen, the worse I feel. Probably I'm just going crazy.
我现在真的觉得已身心疲惫，还不断钻牛角尖。被命运捉弄了无数次，也难免会失去信心。可是，这次我不会屈服的。我很期待你的答复。我胡思乱想了一整天，深 怕你会疏远我。我不希望你从我的生命中销声匿迹。我所说的每一个字都出自我的真心。你对我真的很重要。我还是会耐心地等待你的答复。在那之前，我还是会继 续做你的朋友。
rotted-6:29 PM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
in a dilemma again... months ago, i sorted out everything and concluded that none of that was present... for either one of them... now i'm torn between the choice to step forward or to hide in the shadows... i dun wish to make a wrong decision and destroy everything... yet, i carn bring myself to live my life dae by dae, knowing that i din pick up the courage to say it...
i dun understand y this has to happen... such things hurt me the most and i dun want history to repeat itself... i am putting in my 101% to repress such things... it's realli exhausting... i dun wish to be affected by it but it keeps dwelling within me... =( maybe i'm reading too much into some stuff... but what if i was wrong? wat if i was right? argh... i'm seriously veri confused now and feeling veri lost now... i'm not satisfied with the status quo yet intransigent to go a step back or front... my head's cracking... argh...
it's simply deja vu to me again... and i let a chance slipped past the previous time... but circumstances are different... and the timing is simply not perfect... so wat shd i do??? maybe i shd juz leave it as it is... and let life carry on... i carn risk it... i am rather risk averse now... and i tink this may either be a regret or a right choice made when i look back at it in future... argh i'm seriously going nuts now...
once bitten, twice shy. somebody save me.
rotted-11:06 PM
