Monday, September 27, 2010
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it really feels to cry?
Cry
I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away
Gotta love this song. Those questions are precisely what I'm asking now. Though I think i pretty much know most of the answers.
It's actually rather obvious. I can't hide it well. I know that myself. I must say I'm a pretty lousy signaller. I can't receive signals well. Never ever established a successful link before. One case in point of an unsuccessful one was I beam too early. By the time I turn off my transmission, the other end starts transmitting. -.- Lame. Another case. After I beam, within a short while, I realised I actually didn't want this link up. Either way, the other end never thought of receiving the signal in any case.
Now, I'm not sure what I'm doing. Logically, I tell myself I don't want to beam. If the other end runs away, it's going to be the worst case scenario. I tell myself. It's not what I should be doing now. Even if I want to do something, it is pertinent that I wait. So, what this simply means is that now, there's nothing I can do about it.
Great. I love this sense of helplessness and the high level of mind fcking. When I want something to change and yet there's nothing I can do about it, the feeling is seriously horrible. Let's see how long I can keep this up.
rotted-12:11 AM
