Friday, December 10, 2010

trust (verb)
transitive verb

2 b: to place confidence in : rely on

The definition above was extracted from Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. Pretty accurate. Pretty simple too. Those four words "to place confidence in" mean a lot already. It is this process that is really hard to achieve. Of course, "rely on" means a lot more and is definitely harder to achieve.

I found this online and find it quite interesting.

1) Why do people see it as YOUR problem if you don't trust them?
Because they WANT it to be a problem for me, but it really isn't.

2) Why don't people see trust as something that is continually earned and worked for to maintain and that it can, and does, break?
People want everything handed to them. Selfish beings, they are.

3) Why don't people realize that your trust in them is entirely dependant on THEIR actions because if they do something to break that trust, it is THEIR actions and you did nothing to break your trust in them?
They don't want to take the blame. Can't handle the fact that they screwed themselves over.

4) If someone breaks your trust, why doesn't the person who breaks it do anything to redeem themselves via hard work, sacrifice, proving themselves, living with the consequences that may befall them for a period of time, and sometimes doing things they may not want to do?
They move on to someone easier to screw around with. Much easier that way.

5) Why do people complain that you don't trust them, after the fact that they did something to break your trust, when they damn well know they did something to put your trust in them in peril?
They want you to give in, only so they can keep breaking your trust over and over.

6) Why do people not understand the difference in trust and blind faith?
Blind faith being believing in something like god, or other religious entity, that can and does do things to hurt people, but you believe in it anyway. Trust being something that people need to prove themselves worthy of via their actions. Also, why do people expect your blind faith? Not really sure how to answer this one.... (not really good at explaining things)

7) (Lastly), do you agree, or disagree, with this statement (and why): "It isn't a matter of whether or not I trust you, it's a matter of whether or not you WANT my trust"?
I agree with this statement to a degree, but some people may find it hard to trust anyone else who may actually be trustworthy as a result of continuous breach of trust from others. I mean to say, they basically give up on everyone else.

This was taken from Yahoo Answers. Well, I feel that the person who answered the question probably has lost faith in trust, at least to a certain degree. I think some of the questions are not correct on its own. I feel question 3 not very true lar.

There's no guide to trusting. Trust is not blind faith. So I wonder, how does one decide who to trust? Or in the first place, should one trust? And maybe after answering those questions, how much trust to place in somebody?

I view the process of trusting as breaking down your defences. It makes one vulnerable. If only one party trusts, several situations can arise. If the other party is afraid to trust, then the continuation of this relationship most probably will be very tiresome. If the other party decides to make use of that trust, then one can only hope the trusting party is either smart enough to recognise it or strong enough to sustain this situation.

Somehow if mutual trust is achieved, something interesting happens. Somehow, the defences come back, even stronger. However, if mutual trust is betrayed, both parties will have their defences shattered. It's not only the party being betrayed that has his/her defences shattered. It's for both parties. For the betrayer, I feel there are many ways in which the defences are shattered. Well, maybe that's how I feel at least.

This feels like Prisoner's Dilemma. And that is probably why most people end up choosing not to trust at all. To them, it's a dominant strategy. Meh. What's my strategy arh? I think my dominant strategy is to trust. Of course there are exceptions, but majority of the time, it would be to trust. Simply, what this means would be that defences are usually quite low.

It sounds like a pretty dumb strategy. It leaves one vulnerable. Sometimes, I wonder what happens if my trust in someone is being made use of or in the case of mutual trust, betrayed. Well, definitely, it's going to hurt. But well, you learn something in the process that can probably help you strengthen your defences instead.

Suddenly thought of 2 songs that describe how I feel about trust. Both great songs sung by great female artistes.

孙燕姿 - 相信

Pink - Glitter in the Air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

这个过程的确很艰辛，但那也是因为在后头等待着的硕果是值得的。如果半途就放弃，那还真的很可惜。一路上，自己得不断的寻找推动力，鞭策自己勇往直前。但是，偶尔，我也想停下脚步，休息一会儿，让自己走更长远的路。

rotted-12:39 AM

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